Sweet Memories 2

Grams loved to garden, boy did she love her flowers I believe patunias were her favorite. I remember playing in the dirt and us laughing together as I repeated PA-tuuuunias, sweet memories I'll never forget. Grams used to always talk about God and His love for us no matter what we did she'd always sneak it in there, she was good like that. I remember in the summer time how we didn't have a pool at her house so we filled 5 gallon buckets full of water and would sit in them and catch up on lost time. I remember the play house grandpappy built for us kids and how grams put a tea set in there and she'd sneak out with me and play tea time...followed by a quick push on the swing set. Christmas was always spent at Grams and Grandpappy every year. I loved watching Grams fix chocolate pies, plain fudge, fudge with nuts, lemon pies oh me oh my was she the best! Christmas was not about giving it was about family coming together and grams loved it...but everywhere I waited in anticipation as she would open my gift to her. Every year no matter how cheesy or corny it was she always said it's the best cause it's from MY Tracey and I always felt so much love to know I was GRAMS special little girl and that was something to be proud of.

Most of our time was spent in VA with grams...but when they could make it they traveled to NC a couple times. They made it in time for my baptism and afterwards sat me down and made sure I understood what I had just did and we talked about God and His plan for us. She made it to my last day of crusaders youth camp and the awards ceremony. I was so happy to see her I almost missed the fact that I won Sportsmanship that year...she had to tell me to go get my trophy lol still to this day I have it. My grams missed my talent competition though...but I sent her a tape and I watched it with her so it was as if she was there and she made me feel so important. She had a way of giving me a confidence and encouragment no one ever did before. She taught me the difference between mercy and grace, the importance of love and the power of our words.

One day she was visiting with us in NC and I was upset about something that had happened...I was angry at my parents...I ran outta the house with a mini keyboard I had and sat on the swing outside banging away at it. My grams followed me out and just stood there by the swing under the tree and said...Is this seat taken? Of course I let her sit down...although I was just banging away at the keyboard obnoxiously she said "that's a beautiful song." I just laughed at her and said I am not playing nothing and she taught me that we speak to God not only in our words but our actions and He loves it when we talk to Him in the good and the bad times. She proceeded to show me how to play Amazing Grace.

I looked up at her in awe I had no idea she knew how to play. I asked her how did she do that, and with a smile of peace she said I play from my heart it just comes natural. I never really understood what that meant at the time but I was anxious to find out. I learned how to play Amazing Grace that day and I was so stinking proud of myself. I told her I would play it at her funeral one day and quickly took my words back not realizing what I had just slipped out and she just smiled and said I'd like that.

My grams is a special woman, smartest woman I know in knowledge and wisdom. One of love, determination, understanding and even patience. I pray that as I grow old I become at least half the woman she was. I called my grams more and more recently knowing she was sick I wanted her to know I loved her dearly. Many times she was too sick to call but as soon as grandpappy told her it was me...she gained energy from somewhere to talk to me for 5 minutes, enough to say I love you. Our last conversation was her making sure I was right with God. To make sure I knew what it took to get into heaven all she cared about was that I was gonna be ok and be on the right path. The last thing my grams said to me was Tracey I love you.

I had a dream about a week ago...much deeper than a dream but I am not sure what to call it. I was with my grams I could smell her and feel her wrap her arms around me tight in hugs and say I love you and I want you to be happy and stay in God's will. She told me not to worry about not making it down to say good bye that that's what that time was for. Not to worry about the funeral because she wouldn't be there herself. Yesterday (9-20-08) I was laying on my futon just strumming my guitar before work and about 2:40 I smelt my grams again like in the dream...and in that moment I knew she was going home. I got the news last night of confirmation on that.

I am sad, I am hurt but for those praying please know that I love my grams very much and yes I'll miss her but I am not sad or hurt by this. I had my time with her something no one else experienced. I am hurt at the way my family has treated all of this in which I will not go into details because this is about sweet memories. My last memory of me and my grams will be that night in my 'dream' where I said my farewell and she assured me and I assured her all would be ok. There's a special connection with me and my grams...one I may never figure out, but we know how it is and that's all that matters. I love you grams.

Love,
Your special girl
Sugar Lump