I NEED YOUR VOTES!!!

Hey guys check it out! So most of you know I am doing Billy Wilkins contest of making a commercial video for his new Wesley Sleep Program.

Step 1: If you have not seen it please go to youtube and check it out and rate it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1svd-HodRc

Step 2: Email Billy Wilkins at billy@wesleysleepprogram.com and tell him you want to vote for Tracey Pike's video or video 103!!!

Step 3: Spread the word and tell all your friends to vote TRACEY PIKE VIDEO 103 for the Wesley Sleep Program Contest!

Thanks Guys I really appreciate it!
Tracey Pike

Oh the Days at Subway

Oh the days of Subway
The stories left untold.
Still so much to say
I leave head held high and bold.

I pray I left a legacy here
But it's time I spread my wings and fly.
Let no sadness fill your tears,
Remember the good times and this is not goodbye.





For every time you hear oh Christmas tree,
You'll surely think of me.
And when you read roses are red and violets are blue,
Embrace and cherish the friendship that remains true.

I'll miss you two
We'll stay in touch this I promise you.
Still friends 20 years from now I pray I see.
No matter how far away I know this can be.

Farewell Lecia and Big A,
This is all I have to say.
Thanks for all the good times,
Our memories will bring me good rhymes.



12-22-08
10:50 pm

Mac Powell Treasure Hunt Final Round

My Blanky, My Mommy

You hold me when the nights are so cold.
Oh the warmth your presence beholds.
Warms my soul down deep.
This too I pray you reap.



When overcome with fear,
Your gentle touch dry all my tears.
Embraced close to me,
Where only peace and comfort shall be.



You are my hiding place,
Only one that knows my true face.
Where no masks are worn,
And new life is born.



My hero of great fame,
Living true to her name.
My protector so lovely,
My blanky, My Mommy.



12-21-08
1:41 pm

Dear Mom and Dad

Sorry last night I made you cry,
Yet you still made my eyes dry.
A love like this I've never seen before,
I pray dear Lord bless me with more.

You took me by the hand
Helped me again to stand.
You raise me up to higher ground
Amazing Grace tis truly a sweet sound.

With dad all concerned for me
His fault how could it be???
He gives me encoragement and love
It's true he's my dad sent from above.

Tis time to move on step by step day by day,
I can't see it now but God will make a way.
In time it will all turn out just fine,
Victory I will claim, it shall be mine.



~Lovebug
12-20-08
8:40 am

New Video!

please go watch, rate and comment on my video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1svd-HodRc

Faithfullness

I was in NC I had spent all my money on alcohol and speed, my life was spinning outta control and i was outta money no food to eat was losing my home and everything. I went to church with $5 bucks in my pocket trying to hide my emotions, it was time for offering and I was planning on letting the plate pass me by. God had other plans and I broke down crying He wanted me to put in my last $5 and I litterally cried out why??? People around me were people that knew a partial bit of what was going on and new what was going on. I threw it in and just cried...after offering was prayer I ran up fell on my knees and fell on my face begging God to give me a 2nd chance and to save me from the disaster i had created for myself. Someone came up behind me placed an envelope in my hand and just 'vanished' I didn't see them and no one else in the church did either and i wanted to know who it was I took the envelope back to my seat opened it and read it. It said "Be faithful to the Lord and he will be faithful unto you." I was so angry and frustrated i threw it on the floor and stomped on it. Something told me to pick it up and open it so i did and inside was $40 which lasted me 2 weeks to get gas in my car and some food. I tore off the writing part and kept it and the other day i found it again. God has always provided for me even when i have spat in his face cursed him and every thing else He still loved me and took care of me.

With the way our economy is right now and people being laid off from their jobs. I am living testimony that God always provides for our needs. He understands our struggles and He wants to help us all we have to do is ask. I pass on to you a message given to me from above, Be faithful to the Lord and He will be faithful.

God is working a miracle in me.

About a week or two ago now, I was on the phone with my dad. He is the...ummm...'preaching kind' I suppose you could say. He's always full of wisdom and love and ready to share it at any given time the Holy Spirit leads him. This particular night my dad decided to pray with me on the phone about my back situation. Since that night I've only had 1 bad day and that was because I had to work extra hours, Mike cracked my back and every since I've been feeling amazing.

Seeing the effect my dad's prayer had on me, I decided hey, if he can do it I can do it too. I gained faith through watching my dad, and my mom. I wanted to learn from this and take a step of faith. Back in 2004 I worked at a grocery store in NC and they made us clean with pure acetone with no gloves, although we requested them we were refused. This left chemical burns on our hands that left really nasty looking scars. I went to school and was treated like I had leprosy. I was in a home economics class and could not participate in the cooking activities, I felt like an outcast and it was HORRIBLE! When the weather gets cold, it brings my scars back and an unbearable burning that brings me to tears.

A couple nights ago I decided to take that step of faith and pray for God to bring me healing to my hands. I am here today to report that since I've prayed that prayer the scars have been vanishing with each passing day and I have no longer had any burning in my hands. Keep in mind I still live in MN and today was the true test it was a whole -5 degrees today and still, No scars, no pain. Praise you Jesus for your healing touch in my life.

From emotional healing to physical healing God is really doing a work in me and I am forever thankful. Never give up faith God is always in control and always on His throne, the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

Frosty the Snowman--Remix

Michael my husband
Tried my food one day
He said yum yum
And patted his tum
And I replied NO WAY!

Michael my husband
Is a good man they say
He's a man of God
Met him as a mod
Happily married still today.

Oh God he had a purpose
For bringing us together
For when he did
I knew we'd last forever.

Michael my husband
Oh how I love him so
16 months it's been
Lots left unseen
Still many years to go.

BIG NEWS!!!!!

The smallest thing

Last night I called my parents as usual. Usually these phone conversations consist of just me and mom doing small talk or deep discussions. Or some of my favorites...when everyone is involved and you spend half the conversation trying to figure out what just happened lol. Last night was different. It was just me and my dad.

I have never had that in my life. Just one on one time with a dad, I didn't realize how much I had been missing. Most of our conversation was me asking for advice, but it's a moment I'll cherish for a life time. To hear my dad encourage me and actually want to involve me in his life, I was blown away. Last night was another great moment in my life to always be remembered.

Sorry I don't have a picture to post, but when I get to TX and get that photo you bet you'll see it around. :)

Angels We Have Heard On High--Remix

Candace we have all seen
How awesome you tend to be
Candi Bear you've always been
In pink boots so lovely.

Derek beats his drum all day
With an ear of corn on cob.
Gathering the crowd his way
Bubba he's our heart throb.

My Cousins, Candace and Derek
My Cousins, Candace and Derek

How I care for you so
Across the miles but yet so close.
This one thing you must know
You come from the most gorgeous Rose.

My Cousins, Candace and Derek
My Cousins, Candace and Derek.

Jolly Old St. Nicholas--Remix

Lovely little Jennifer, lean your ear this way.
Hope you get a good laugh, at what I am gonna say.
New Year Day is coming soon, Now my little sis
Changes lie awaiting you, want it be so bliss.

When the clock is striking 12, Resolutions we will set
Accomplishing one and all, this to you I'll bet.
Don't forget our little sis, Krysten
Greatest of them all, I'd give her a ten.

Doggies want a big milk bone, Jenny wants a job.
Krysten's happy where she's at, Give her a book by Bob.
As for me I'll take a home down in Texas.
Till New Year, I'll just say Merry Christmas.

For my new friend, Melissa.

I read your blog of your favorite words, and thought I'd try to pull them all together in a poem for you. Not my greatest work but I did try and so this blog is to you Melissa Doddridge.

Our SAVIOR RESCUE us with His GENUINE love,
Bringing us AUTHENTIC HOPE from above.
EMANUEL our GREAT PHYSICIAN.
Our COMFORTER always without hesitation.

REDEEMER to the OVERCOMER,
He is our FANTASTIC DELIVER.
To GIGGLE with CHEER,
The BRIGHT light consumes all fear.

To LAUGH is pure medicine for the heart,
Honored I was CHOSEN to do the part.
You're WELCOME a thousand times,
Your smile as pay is prime.

Blessed with a new friend in you,
With me around you'll never be blue.
Me being HOME will be cooler than Dizmas,
But till that day I wish you a MERRY Christmas.

Subway by: Tim Hawkins

Let It Snow--Remix!

Oh Texas is where I am going
Where there won't be any snowing.
And since you love me so,
Let me go, Let me go, Let me go!

2 more months till moving,
I've got a box for packing,
The wait is going so slow
Let me go Let me go Let me go.

When we finally meet that day,
Oh how I'll love being outta the snow.
I can't wait to hear you say,
Here is the home you bestow.

The dog is slowly dying,
Or maybe it's my lullabying.
Here I plee wiht you yo!
Let me go! Let me go!! Let me go!!!

Taking a different approach.

Today at work I found out that it was just going to be me and Brian working. I'll be honest I do NOT like this guy at all. He's just so slow, he doesn't get half the work done, he gets in my way, he annoys the crap outta me and yet all he needs is a little encouragement. Rather than getting upset because I was working with him, unknowingly I accepted HIM for who HE was. So he works a little slower than others, he doesn't have the greatest 'drive' so to speak. But he is human too.

Although we were slow today I really worked with him rather than against him with the attitude GET OUT OF MY WAY! I noticed how he lightened up he didn't seem quite on edge. Grant it he still needs a shove every now and then but with a different attitude from me. Through out the day I continued to tell him good job Brian keep it up dude. I could see him smile from the corner of my eyes. We worked together and got the job done. Finally he was happy to be at work. Approaching him with a positive attitude and feedback really changed his attitude as well. Rather than me have the attitude of GET OUT OF MY WAY, and he just not care about his job and find the fastest exit out.

I realized half way through my day that my parents do the same with me. Rather than telling me what to do or what not to do. They suggest and offer their opinion, still leaving me in charge to make up my own mind. When things turn out good I know I make them proud, when they turn out not so good...well I learn from my mistake. They don't tear me down and make me feel bad they simply point out what I could have done differently. Whether it be our parents or co-workers or just the driver in front of us that may be moving a little too slow. Take the time to slow down and think of what that person may be going through in their personal life. Positive Attitudes have Positive Outcomes and Negative Attitudes have Negative Outcomes. The choice is yours, what will you choose to do today?

God knew

Oh how I longed for this bond
So easily we became fond.
God knew what he was doing
Haha who was I fooling?

The voice that is always so soothing.
The two that inspire to get me moving.
The way he expresses his love to me.
Oh yeah, God destined it to be.

Coincidence some will forever say,
But God's evidence be revealed day by day.
To Him be all the honor and glory,
For He is the author of my great story.

12-6-08
11:35 pm

We're Gonna Shine

In my world the sun doesn't always shine.
But it's ok because till the end of time,
You shall always and forever be mine.
With God our marriage shall reamin prime.

Things aren't always going to be easy.
My faith assures me we will be just fine.
Though the skies go gray and things get breezy,
God will open the doors and show us a sign.

So hang in there a little while longer,
kick back, relax and lets dine
As our love grows stronger,
God in us will make our world shine.

12-6-08
11:10 pm

Untitled

Here I am all things gone a strange.
You'll find me down on my Knees,
In faithful prayer for much needed change.
Dear God please hear my honest, sincere plee.

Again I find heartache and pain,
Where oh Lord did I go wrong?
Stranded in guilt from that done in vain.
Now in search of my long lost lifesong.

You dear God are my laminin,
You rescue me from life's greatest famine.
All praise be unto you,
I pray you see me through.

I can't do this alone now I see.
Who was I pretending to be?
I need you to take me by the hand,
Now is the time to take a stand.

I know I've said this many times before.
Sincere this time I say there'll be no more.
Give me this final last chance,
In the end before you, I shall do a victory praise dance.

This is not just words nicely layored,
Rather indeed my faithful prayer.

6-12-08
11:13 pm

Happy Anniversary

Across the miles of Minnesota and Tennessee,
Our love was so clear to see.
Oh God, I pray how can this be
Mike, my love for you sets me free.

Through the joy and tears
We made it through our first year!
Against adversity we took a stand
Step by step and hand in hand.

How I love our walks in the park
And the nights we stayed up way past dark.
Memories I will never forget,
Choices I will never regret.

I love you what more can I say
It grows stronger day by day.
I love you Michael Thomas Pike,
I will always and forever be your Mrs. Pike.

June 17, 2008

Oh Christmas Tree--Remix!

Alisha, Alisha out of all she's most lovely.
Each day you bring to me delight,
Making all your subs just right.
Alisha, Alisha out of all she's most lovely.

How beautiful your owl eyes
How big art thou britches,
Alisha, Alisha out of all she's most lovely.

Pregnant you be for 7 months
not long to go just 2 more months
Alisha Alisha out of all she's most lovely.

When you leave I'll miss you so,
Slacking I'll say no, no.
I'll call you every day
Just to bug you this I'll say
Alisha, Alisha out of all she's most lovely!

Guess what this blog is about...that's right family! Sorry but family is really important to me and I know I talk a lot about it. So if I make you sick by talking about my family and such so much please feel free to click that little red box with the white x in it at the top right hand of your screen. =)

So last night I talked to my sister Jennifer for a while. Something we really don't do that often without it being through mom or something lol. I really enjoyed our talk...for the most part. We talked about a few things in my life...mostly about leadership. I couldn't believe my sister said a couple things she did, but I know she is right. It's not the first time I've heard it so it's just confirmation to me. 10 years now maybe I should stop running huh? I also talked to her about some stuff in her life. Which I felt at first sort of odd...but it felt good. I actually felt like a big sister. Not trying to ruin my little sisters life, rather just guide her and inform her of different options.




Later my mom called and we talked for a while. She told me some things I really needed to hear about this family thing. Things like how her and dad are proud of me and proud to have me in the family and they tell everyone. I am sure we won't be strangers in TX by time we get there lol. Dad was in the background and told me some stuff that was all sweet and made me feel WOW maybe they really do know how I feel I swear parents have a way of reading your mind. The one thing that really stuck out is when dad called me "daddy's little girl".




Daddy's little Girl is code word between me and God. He told me a few years ago that He would send me a family in His timing, but at the time He wanted me for himself to guide me and prepare me for this moment now. I was God's daddy little girl for a long time and will continue to be so; but now he's giving me an earthly dad to be a 'little girl' to. Over the years so many have tried taken me in and such things, and I am thankful for that I've learned a lot over the years. But NEVER has anyone yet to say Daddy's Little Girl until this moment.


Last night I cried while going to sleep. Instead of tears of sadness and broken hearted, it was tears of joy. Laying beside me was a man that loves me more than I could ever dream of that is always there for me to help me and encourage me. Also, a 1,185 miles away I had a family that loves me and cares for me and are sent from God himself. So although things get tough and the sun isn't always shining in my world, God is always smiling down on me and I always have a constant reminder of how truly blessed I am.

Congratulations Will and Jenn

My best friend Jennifer Turnage is her name,
For 21 years it's always been the same.
10 years of friendship now our lives we rearrange,
I pray the basics of our friends never change.

Your big day will be here before you know,
God's blessings upon you both I do bestow.
New life lies awaiting the both of you
Embrace it, live it with each morning dew.

News of your wedding gave me an intial scare,
But this friendship is true to eternity we prepare.
Friends to sisters we came to be not always so easily,
The next 10 years I wait anxiously to see.

April 11th 2009 Mrs. Benner you will be,
A day filled with those you hold close to thee.
I pray it be everything you dream of and more,
May your love always be stronger than the day before.

Congratulations on your arriving wedding day
Never forget our friendship is here to stay.
I will always be there by your side,
Remember to keep God as your ultimate guide.

Daddy and Me

So you know there’s a question I wish to ask,
Not one of my easiest tasks.
Delayed long enough it’s been,
I pray I go out with a win.

Adopted dad to me you be
True dad full of love I see.
Waiting 3 years to renew my vows,
But here I go and ask you now.

June 17th 2012 my 2nd wedding day be
Bigger and better this time around we’ll see.
Daddy, now I ask will you give me away,
Would mean the world to me on my special day.

Love,
Your daughter,
Tracey


Then Dad replied so sweetly to me...

If this is what you wish of me,
Ill happily walk with thee
Down the isle for eternity,
To give you to the man with the same name as me.

Letting Go

They say if you really love someone you must let go. How must you let go of something you have never caught grasp of, this I must know. I've never embraced her with a hug, nor pestered her with a shove or tug. Yet sister is the name I call her by, let her go you say why God why???

I never expected to love like this, I must remind myself you are ultimately His. Excited and ready to take that leap of faith, Jeremiah 29:11 the Lord did saith. I must let you go to spread your wings and fly, knowing this is not goodbye.

I pray the Lord to guide your every step along the way, and for you to feel my love in all I have to say. Oh dear sister of mine, I know you're going to shine and be just fine.

They say if you really love someone you must let them go. I embraced you in my heart and in spirit, this I know. Spread your wings dear sister of mine and know that this is true, I'll always be here loving and praying for you.

Romans 8:28

Romans 8:28~ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

I am reminded of this everyday in some way. Things that happened to me in the past I couldn't see the good in it then, but now that I look back I can see it. Lately something my aunt and mom have talked to me about is tv shows/movies that I watch. I think it's crazy at times and sometimes do the whole huff and puff routine. Tonight I realized something, how much I am loved and cared for.

Earlier I saw Trading Spouses on tv and thought of what mom and aunt shoo shoo have said, I watched I love Lucy reruns instead. Tonight, my mom asked what I was watching, and I felt good to be able to say Akeelah and the Bee. I know it sounds childish, but I know they do things for my good. I become more aware to what I take in, because what I take in it will come out. So most may find it childish or dumb that my family 'checks in' on me, but I like it, it holds me accountable and I need that in my life.

So thanks to my hubby, my parents, my aunt and even my sister that show me different aspects of things. Sometimes we can not see how things work for the good until later in life; but sometimes we're blessed to see the good here and now. :-)

My Challenge

Most people know of the stuff I have been going through lately, but they don't know of how it is completely changing my life. This will be the one and only time I say this for the simple fact, that I don't want to sound like a complainer or hear someone preach about faith or God can heal you. My faith is strong, not as strong as I would like it at times but none the less. I know what God has done and can continue to do. Please note this blog is not looking for encouragement or pity. I just need to get this out.

Not too long ago I decided that the headaches everyday and the ongoing pain was just enough. I went to a chiropractor and had tests and x-rays done. Long story short, I have spinal degeneration/subluxations and scoliosis. I go to the chiropractor every week to be adjusted in hopes that they can fix the problem or at least slow the process down. Headaches are fewer and my pain has decreased a lot. That in itself, the medical bills, adjusting to the adjustments, it's a lot to take in on one person.

That's not all that has had to be adjusted. I've always been an independant kind of woman. Now that is being taken from me. I can not do the things I used to do. I have to watch every little thing I do the way I move and turn. Yes, before I was in pain but not knowing why so I just figured it was a causal headache. Now that I know what it is I know I must be cautious or I could do more damage to what is already there. Being a newly wed wife, it also causes strain. I want to be a wife for my husband and not just a houseguest. I want to be able to clean the house and cook him dinner and all the 'wifey stuff', and sometimes I just can't do it. I can't clean certain areas of the house mostly the bathroom such as the shower. Vaccuming I can do but have to ask for help taking it up and downstairs. I can not vaccum my stairs any more.

What would take some people maybe 2 minutes to do will take me 10 minutes to do. The harder I push myself I know the more I will suffer from it later. It is tough, but I pray everyday for God to give me the strength. It's not just at home it's at work too, as far as prepping foods and such I always have to ask for help. It is really a burden on me to bother someone for 2 minutes to do such a simple task as moving a box for me. There are times I cry myself to sleep at night from frustration and confusion as to why I am having to go through this.

My sister and parents tell me all the time, Romans 8:28 (look it up). I know they are right and I love them for reminding me of it. Right now I honestly do not see how this will work out for good, but I know in time I will. I know there will come a time, maybe 5 years from now, that I look back and say Thanks God now I see why I went through all of that. I am not here to ask for sympathy, pity, feel sorry for myself or even to ask for prayer. I just needed to get this out, in hopes that people will be more understanding. I don't need you to preach to me about having faith in God no matter what. I know that, and I have faith He is going to heal me. Maybe now you understand a little more on how one problem can affect and alter your whole life.

Thanks to my husband Mike and my family that are always there to support and encourage me. I love yall.

Influences

Well I thought I'd talk about influences in random language of course. Everyone always says that there's life of death in the tongue...Agreed. Everyone always says that actions speak louder than words...Agreed. So wouldn't that mean there's life and death in our actions more so than in our words? To say one thing and do another is obviously contradicting.

When our friends are going through hard times (those that claim to be Christ followers), would nomally say Trust God, Lean on Him. I have heard that so many times in my life and I am a visual learner, so I watched these people. Most of them yeh, they truly believed it and their actions made their words true. Some not so much so.

Now I have 2 younger sisters and 2 cousins younger than me (more than that, but those I have contact with). Everyday I watch myself more and more in my actions, whether they are physically with me or not. I have made plenty of mistakes in my life, and I pray my sisters and cousins never have to go through what I did. Now that I am of legal age, I feel at times temptation is a bit harder. When talking to mom or aunt shoo shoo whoever, I always say if my sisters every did this or that I would be really hurt/disappointed/angry. Please note my sisters are very smart and I learn more from them than they do from me I am sure. Now that I have them and especially Derek, when on the phone I watch my words more carefully, although it's speaking, it's still an action. Get my point?

From the jobs I choose to work at, places I choose to hang out at, I've come to the point in life where I've hit a maturity and realized life isn't all about me. There comes a time we have to drop our selfish thinking and ways and think...how is this going to affect my family/friends. Yes, we all have free will, but we all have those we look up to as well. Man will always let us down we're not perfect, but because we're not perfect I feel we look for 'examples' to be set in places that probably shouldn't. I honestly do not feel that it's wrong to look up to someone, as long as we remember that they are only human and they are going to mess up from time to time.

I want my sisters and or cousins...whoever...to feel they can come and talk to me, rather than feel they can not because of the road I choose to travel down. Bad 'habits'/lifestyles, are hard to change and we can't do it alone we need God to help us live a better lifestyle. But we must first come to a point where we realize that the world does not revolve us. What kind of lifestyle are you living? Does it bring life, or does it bring death? How long will you choose to wander around in the desert before you say enough is enough it's time to get serious?

...I am just sayin'...

Decemberadio

I wish I could say this trip was PERFECT...but not quite...once again I'll get all the bad out then tell the only part that truly matters. 2 hour drive in the worse Minneapolis MN traffic ever, 2 detours, 1 wreck (not us), 3 traffic jams, our names were not on the guest list, didn't get to personally meet and greet the band AND going back out to our truck in the parking ramp someone had opened the back of our truck. Good news we don't think anything was stolen.

Ok now on to the good stuff. IF FLIPPIN ROCKED OUR FACES OFF!!! So like we get there and this was our first time ever at club 3 degress, I wish we lived closer because it's just an AWESOME place. We were worried that we wouldn't be able to see good because it was general admission. Dude we were like 20 feet from the stage I am not even exaggerating. The place was so cool we all sat at tables...well were intended to anyway lol. Seven glory opened it up and it was really awesome a lot better than I expected them to be, I didn't realize who they were till they sung their last song that I already forgot lol. Ruth came out and they did an awesome job too Mike liked them both but liked Ruth more. Sevenglory's drummer won me over though OMG that dude was maaaaaad, looked like a monkey on the drums.

Josh Reedy comes out on the stage just for a moment and speaks of compassion international and dude when he got on stage the place went crazy! Oh and dude REWIND! When the DR boys came in the club they walked right behind me to get to the back room when I saw them I think my heart stopped! :-o Ok so after speaking of compassion this tennessee redneck comes out named Billy Wayne and this dude was a trip! He was so flippin funny! He spoke about being who we are in Christ and not being afraid to stand up and face our giants. He briefly told his testimony and there were a lot in tears it was just amazing. At one point he said, there's some girls who feel they're never good enough for their mom they just never add up, never get the love they've always craved. Then said...There's some 40 year olds that feel the same to their fathers and just want to hear I am proud of ya and I love ya. That's when I lost it I really felt like God was speaking to me and Mike and I praise God Mike picked up on it too. The message was so powerful and I truly pray for Billy and his ministry.

Then this band Decemberadio comes out and I don't know why everyone was so excited they weren't THAT great. *rolleyes* Sarcasm is really not my best feature LOL. OMG they were so flippin awesome!!! You like their cd's??? That is NOTHING compared to live the place went craaaazy! They opened up with Believer and I sworny I am not sure who you could hear more the crowd or Josh...throughout the whole thing! They also played, Least of these, Gasoline, Find you waiting, Drifter, Everlasting Love (yeh that one through me lol), a little amazing grace, Love found me, Satisfied and I may be forgetting one or two. It was just absolutely AMAZING!!! I can NOT wait to go back. Mike really enjoyed it and didn't even wanna leave. Boone had one heck of a funny drum solo, that dude just trips me out. I was watching Lovelace close and making sure that hair of his didn't go flying off...I tell ya that dude has the most awesomeness hair ever! Yes awesomeness is a word Josh Reedy said so! :-p So yeh, it was just well...awesomeness lol. I don't know if there's even enough words to describe it, you just gotta see it for yourself. Pictures are on facebook, not that great you will see how crappy my camera is. If you don't like it feel free to donate to my camera fund! Rock on and peace out guys!

Sweet Blessings

WARNING: This blog may contain too much love for the average person to handle. Reading this could result in an abundant feeling of love, self worth and appreciation.

I watched a movie today from Tyler Perry Collection titled: Madea Goes to Jail. Yes it's a comedy and there's a lot of good laughs in it, but I promise you there's a lot to learn from this collection of movies as well.

(When family is mentioned I would hope most of you would know by now it's in reference to my 'miracle family') It gave me a greater appreciation and love for my family. It reminded me of some things I have forgotten. Some say that God is all we need, we you get really technical about it and break it all down, yes I agree with that. I also believe though that we NEED our family and friends, hence why God places certain people in our lives. I believe most of us have a desire to be loved and appreciated by our families. Unfortunately, sometimes we're not always born into families that love and appreciate us the way we should. Now get this...I love and appreciate my BIOLOGICAL family more so today than yesterday. Yes, they have hurt me A LOT more than words can say, BUT without them I wouldn't be the person I am today and I wouldn't have been blessed with all that I have today. So here starts my list.

I am thankful for my biological family. I am thankful for all the hurt, abuse and neglect I went through the last 21 years. I am thankful for the opportunity to go through the experience I did in TN moving from home to home because I was seen as a 'problem child'. It was in those moments that I grew stronger, I gained a love that I was not expecting to gain. I lost a selfishness that I had, instead of gaining the love of a 'family' that I longed for so long...I GAVE a love that comes from deep within. I risked my life for others and without being there I would have never known or received the true gift of love. Being loved is an amazing thing it truly is...but I see now that maybe just maybe...we must be willing to love in order to have that love in return.

I am thankful for my husband that loves me in ways I never dreamed was possible from a man. A love that is true and pure. His support and encouragement that gets me through some of the toughest days. It's not always glorious rays of sunshine but I am thankful for the opportunity to love and grow together with him with each passing day.

I am thankful for my family that have opened my eyes to new horizons and possibilities. I am thankful for their wisdom that they share with me, no matter how bad it may hurt in the moment. I thank God for this new experience that we're about to take part in, that I may be edify and grow in the way He has designed for me. I am thankful for my my one TRUE friend of 10 years Jennifer Turnage that has never left my side regardless of the crap I went through. It's not always been a pretty scenery but she was willing to help me through it. I am thankful for the new friends I have met. Those that I argue our differences with and those that it just seems to always be so peaceful and bliss.

People come into our lives for a reason. Some are meant for a lifetime and some are meant just for a season. EVERYTHING happens for a reason and sometimes it takes a couple of years to find out exactly what that reason is. I am so thankful and blessed for my past and I thank God for all that I have today. James 1:2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds.

Here's a clip from the movie that I watched...it's sort of long but at least watch the first part before they start singing that is the most important part. Madea categorizes people in our lives as a tree. Whether they be a leaf, a branch or a root, thank God for all of it!

Sisterly Love

So this morning I set out on a run with really one mission in mind...Get my sister a birthday card. I believe there and back may be a mile...maybe a little more. So I set out on my journey, ran to the market place and went in search for the perfect birthday card. I don't think I did half bad picking one out. So I go through check out and some 'old friends' I used to work with began the questioning.

Jamie: So why are you here?
Me: Needed to get my sister a birthday card.
Jamie: Where's Mike?
Me: At work
Jamie: So you ran all the way here for a card for your sister...why???
Me: Cause I love her and she's totally worth it. etc...
Jamie: Wow can I have her?
Me: Heeeeeeeeeeck NO!

Same thing happened at Subway. I was happy to be able to 'brag' on my sisters a little. Although technically I just met them a couple months ago...I love both of them dearly and am proud of both of them. So I suppose I dedicate this blog to both of my wonderful sisters. I love yall.

No Longer Christian

Those that read this blog is probably one of the 5 that have sent me personal messages asking what the heck is going on. First of all I want to thank you for not ripping my head off and condemning me to hell because I made the statement. Now on to why I said that. PLEASE NOTE: I KNOW NO ONE IS PERFECT!!!

Last night I had a great night at work I was ready to go home and have a good talk with my mom and the rest of the family. Well I thought I'd unwind a little bit before calling her so I decided to check my emails and such. I will not go into everything that was said who said what or whatever. This blog is not directed at anyone but if you feel that it is, maybe you should take it to heart.

I am tired of people claiming to be CHRISTIAN and yet the only thing they have to say is to put someone down. I am tired of people claiming to be CHRISTIAN and yet they feel they are of some higher power and have no room to learn anything new for themselves. I am tired of people claiming to be CHRISTIAN and yet show no compassion towards others. I am tired of being CHRISTIAN! I no longer want to be associated with the group. So from this point on I will no longer claim to be a CHRISTIAN, instead I will be a Christ follower.

Yes, a christian is suppose to be a Christ follower. People today have given their own meaning to what a christian is or what it's suppose to be. Using the term christian would be fine if people actually acted as Christ. No we're not perfect...but I've been told some really hurtful things over the years by those that claim to be CHRISTIAN. We all serve the same God so why must our views be so different???? I don't care about denominations...God is God and He left us a book of instructions on how we're to live our life. Yes, people will interpret it differently according to their lives but I am talking about the basics here people. LOVE!!! Love your God...Love your neighbor...Love your enemies...on and on it's all about LOVE!!! It's not always easy but when we do it, He'll bless our 'stinking socks off' (as Bart Millard would say it).

There's life and death in the tongue. For the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart and this makes a man unclean. Our tongue is (in my opinion) our most powerful tool. How do you choose to use your tongue?? I thank God for those that I have in my life that are there to lift me up when I am down and show me different perspectives on things, because I don't know it all by far. I thank God for those that show me love unconditionally. I thank God I have people like my mom and dad and even my aunt shoo shoo that will always take me back to the basics and remind me of God's truth.

For those that have done nothing but say hurtful things and tear me down, I am sorry but I can't take it any more and those people will be deleted. More than likely they're not even reading this but in case you are...this is good bye. This is a time in my life where I need to be edified and honestly how I feel if you're not edifying then why should I be around you anyway? I've tried to show love, mercy and kindness and if nothing changes...why should I stay and continue to be hurt? I love you all...friends or not...I honestly do and I'll continue to pray for you. Thanks for showing me the difference of being a Christ follower and being a Christian.

To my fellow stalkers

For those that obviously are still following me around...here's your note. I am glad you're so enthused and interested in my life that you continue to follow me around. I hope you can see how well I am doing now and how much God is blessing me. Although most of you put me through hell in back in more ways than you even know...thank you. It's made me a better person at least someone benefitted from it. Read my blogs if you want, maybe one day you'll allow God to minister to you. Continue with your negative/harrassing comments and I'll make sure that you are completely blocked off and not allowed to leave any comments. It's time to move on...I have and so should you.

~Daddys_lil_girl~

Hello Beautiful!

For those that talk to me on a daily basis, they know that I usually greet them with some sort of 'encouraging' view. Such as Hello Beautiful, Gorgeous, Sunshine, Love face...I think you get the point. I have some beautiful friends inside and out. Some of them with an inner beauty so illuminate that's all you can see.

I am usually fairly good at self confidence. I don't think I am drop dead gorgeous and I don't think I am ugly. I always try to see myself in God's mirror. But as I looked in the mirror this morning all saw my reflection in MY mirror. Was not a pretty site I seemed pale, black under my eyes and my face pretty badly broken out. I can't tell you how many times I looked in the mirror today and just wanted to cry.

I didn't feel of worth or beauty today. I am not even sure why, tomorrow is a new day but I wanted to share how I felt today; that's the purpose of blogging after all right?

All I Want For Christmas

I know I know it's only October, but before you know it Christmas will be here. Along with that age old question you're bound to hear 400 billion times, What do you want for Christmas? Please Note: I do not want hate mail coming to me saying Christmas is not about gifts it's about Jesus...I know that! So just relax and don't think so much. ;-)

Since I was 12 years old all I wanted for Christmas was a family to call my own. One that wanted me for who I was and it was that year that my parents told me to go find other parents. Day in and day out I prayed and searched for someone that would take me in. Well here I am 9 years later and I finally have what I always wanted for Christmas.

So for those that are just so stinking nice and want to send packages out, I can't stop you. But I do want you all to know that I have all I want for Christmas. Although they are in TX they are still very close to my heart and they're all mine...well you know what I mean lol. I know next year I'll be able to spend Christmas with them personally as we will have been moved and everything.

All I wanted for Christmas was a family took my 9 years to get what I always wanted, but the best things in life are worth waiting for. I pray you all have a blessed merry Christmas and truly get what your heart desires, whether it be something physical or something a little more sentimental like mine. Always remember, Jesus is the reason for the season and He is the ultimate one that gives you the desires of your heart; no matter what the return address may say. ;-)

Mercy Me Blessed Me

As most of you know, especially Rose and Mike of course; Yesterday was a bad day. It was full of hardships and pain I was not ready to face. After work I came home and decided to sit in and watch the Mercy Me concert live online and chat with some good friends there. Just as I was not expecting to face the hardships of the day nor was I ready to be blessed in such a way.

It was nearing the end and Bart began to talk about how it's not about us it's all about God and His plan. It was one of those moments I felt like he was just speaking to me personally. Not all our hardships come from the devil and why do we give him so much credit. God takes us through things to strengthen us and to prepare us for the plan He has in store for us later down the road. He continued to sing Bring the Rain and Emanuel it was an AMAZING night filled with some really amazing worship.

By the end of the show I felt a bit guilty for the way I had acted the whole day. Yeh I had a hard day but I am sure I brought a few others down with me, especially at work. Mike sorry you're always stuck with me and my bad days. Rose thanks for being there and talking to me, it really did help. Thanks Mercy Me for just doing what you do and doing it well. I suppose it is like mom always says, Today is the day the Lord has made, rejoice and be glad in it...no matter what may come.

I made the call

9:30 this morning I decided to call my grandpappy. If you don't know, this is the first time we have spoken since grams passed away. I have never in 21 years heard my grandpappy cry, until today. It was heart breaking and I so badly wanted to be there to sit in his lap as when I was a little and tell him everything would be ok. We continued with small talk while both fighting tears not wanting the other to hear our pain.

He asked when we were moving back to NC and I just didn't have the heart to tell him we were moving to TX, I didn't feel the time was right. I just told him things had gotten behind in the move with my 'medical problems' going on. He asked about the rest of the family and the last we talked. He continued to say the saddest thing to see is a family to fall apart. Grandpappy knows how the family is and how they have chosen not to talk to me.

Having said this he chose to inform me that I am now an aunt. My sister apparantly had her baby yesterday. I do not know the name of the baby or anything besides it was born yesterday. My grandpappy said he wanted to do what he felt was right and I should know what is going on. I feel my grandpappy is the only one that really wants me in this family.

Although it was hard and fighting tears, we had a good conversation. I worry about my grandpappy his doctor says his health is not well he's not eating right or anything. He's really having it hard I can only imagine. He said in all his life he's never felt so much pain. It was my turn to advise my grandpappy and remind him of God's promises. Please keep him in your prayers.

I plan to write him soon and send him pictures of me, I'll be staying in contact at least once a week now.

Month Gone By

It's been almost a month since my grams has passed away. Everyday gets easier I suppose...but I still miss her as much as the last time I saw her. Since then I have been completely honest and up front with my biological family with respect on how I felt on the way they didn't stay in contact with me. Pretty much it's over for now with my biological family, they've made it clear they don't want any thing to do with me.

One thing that is 'burdening me' is that I haven't talked to my grandpappy since grams passed. It hurts me a lot but I don't know what to say when I do call. I don't know what he will think or say to me. I know my family has been talking about me and the way I have stood up to them. I so bad wanna talk to Grandpappy, but what do I say, how do I fight the tears? How do I tell him we're moving to Tx? I am still praying, a part of me wants to call and the other part feels I should be waiting.

Anyway just needed to vent this out. So if anyone chooses to read this I would really appreciate some prayers. Thanks to those that read my blogs.

xxx
Tracey

Just Relax

Saying good night to my 'sister' down in Texas, although our chat was short she reminded me of something. The truth of God's promises. I was just thinking of our conversation and this sort of just came out. This is my prayer and creed, I love you Jennifer Schnabel thank you!

Just relax they say
Tomorrow is a new day.
Try and unwind
Don't allow satan to get you in a bind.

I ponder and pray
when the sun will shine my way.
Through all the hustle and grind
Patience and peace I will find.

To my knees I fall
Dear God take it all
I can't bare it any more,
You're the one I adore.

Here on the solid rock I stand
God by my side hand in hand
One thing reamins true you see
The Son always shines on me.

Message in a Dream

A couple of nights ago I once again had a dream about TX and things that would happen. Let me start this by saying that these dreams have happened my whole life and usually come true in some way shape or form. Now that we're moving to TX I see things that I know will one day come true.

We (Mike, mom, dad, rose, adam, the kids) were at this auditordium and my dream kept flashing one time I am indoors and the next we're outside on a platform. Either way there's 100's of people there and we're doing praise and worship. I don't know everyone that is leading worship but I know mom, dad and adam are on stage. We're finishing out worship and of course Emanuel, God with us is the song. Well the worship team keeps playing and mom and dad introduce me on stage as their daughter saying I am going to give my testimony.

I begin to get on stage and I am not nervous at all. The band is still playing, instead of starting to tell my testimony I tell the band to stop playing. I get a word from God and I begin to give it to the crowd and everyone is cheering and saying amen. All I remember of 'the word' is I said My feet are planted on the solid rock I stand my faith is grounded in the word of God. Then I woke up.

I know big things are yet to come in TX and I am excited to get started. I thank God for the dreams He has given me. I do pray though that He will soon give me dreams on how to make this move work. I am ready to go and get started.

Feels So Good

Growing up was tough, as most of you know. Something I wouldn't pray on my worse enemy and I pray to God I never have to go through certain things again. My past has made me who I am today so I am grateful and thankful for God taking me through it. Growing up though there was something I longed for something I could never seem to find. When I was in 7th grade my parents told me to go find other parents. I have longed and searched for years that God would send a family to my life that would love and care for me the way I have always longed for.

Don't get me wrong I have met some fabulous lovely people through out my life that have helped me through and played 'mother roles' in my life so to speak. Without them I would have given up...but something just never really 'felt right' so to speak. I met Mike and married and sort of just forgot about the whole family thing as though I assumed it was 'too late'. Deep down though I still longed for that family to call my own. To know if I ever need a mom or dad to talk to I have someone to go to. Or a sister or brother I could go and just talk to whether them venting to me or vise versa.

Well as my close friends know, I have met a family. A family that I didn't really expect to be THE FAMILY. It started out with one and that one became one of my closest friend I have today. Now I/we call her aunt shoo shoo hehe that still makes me laugh. She introduced me to her sister and I knew then why God sent them to my life. I now have a family...my miracle family. I've been trying to accept this unconditional love stuff and accept the fact that they actually do love me and want me.

I told my best friend ever Jennifer Turnage, last night about them and she knows too how much they mean to me and how long I have waited to finally have a family to call my own. Last night I was talking to mom which most would probably know as Anna or sewnlove. I was so happy to talk to her as nana is in town and we've not had much time to talk after we had just started talking about every night even if just to say good night now I haven't talked to her in about 8 days. Near the end of our conversation mom said Jenn (my fantabulous remarkable 'little' (barely) sister) had gotten home about 30 minutes ago. I asked mom why she wasn't in bed by now and her response had me in tears.

She replied: "I needed some quality time with my daughter". I have never heard that in my entire life and I can't describe how good it felt to hear it. I enjoyed the remainder of my time with 'my mom' with tear filled eyes and peace in my heart. It feels so good to finally have a family to call my own. One to love me unconditionally, one where I can be myself and not be judged, where I can be edified and prayed over. I can not explain how blessed I am to be part of the Schnabel/Richter family. Thank you and Thank God for the most awesomeness blessing ever! I love yall so much can't wait to come home.

Shabby made me do it

So yeh apparantly I am suppose to go to the 6th picture in the 6th album of my pictures and talk about the picture. So like here it is.



This is when we were in IN at the Music Build Tour/Habitat for Humanity trip. We had just gotten to the hotel and I saw the mirror and decided that it was time I had a mirror picture of myself since everyone else has one. Yes, I am ashamed I conformed to the ways of this wild and wacky world but it's ok God has forgiven me.

Twilight Day

Today has been just one weird, blah, confused kind of day. I dunno how else to really explain it. I went to the dr. this morning and even Dean was acting weird. Instead of talking 400 miles per hour he barely said anything. My weird dreams continue so I am really a bit over tired maybe that's what it is.

I am flustered with life I have a few questions that I think every 'woman' knows the answer to and yet I don't and feel that I should, so I am too embarrased to ask anyone. I just feel like I am the only one that doesn't know. Isn't there a book like How to be a Woman For Dummies or something?

Now I was just sitting at my desk and found a picture of Rose and Have no idea where it came from and I know that it has NOT been sitting there all week much less earlier today. It's just all so...WEIRD. Maybe I am just extremely over tired and need sleep.



Then again...sleeping won't get my questions answered nor will it explain why a picture of Rose 'magically' appeared on my desk. Aye ya ya is this day over yet???

What Defines You Today?

What is it that defines you today? Is it the brand new sports car you just bought that sits out in the driveway for everyone to see? Are you the one that lives in the big 'ritz house' down on 3rd Ave? I bet you're the one that works at that bank right?

What if...we were defind by something greater? Grant it this would mean the entire society would have to get a new way of thinking, but follow me on this. If your 'friends' could describe you with ONE phrase, what would it be? Would it be something of 'physical well being' so to speak, or would it be something of the spirit? Would you be one of the few mentioned above, or would you be the one of a humble spirit?

I know for me usually I am defined by the southern bell. Which isn't always bad and can be a good thing once they explain what they mean. Just something to think about today. Are you the one losing control in chaos, or are you the one at peace in the midst of chaos. Some people say chaos is not good...but come on admit it...it's BOUND to happen at some point or another, especially if you have kids.

This is mostly ramble once again but bottom line is...What Defines You Today?

Dreaming of TX

So last night I had a dream of tx. Guess who's in tx?? The infamous mama g herself Corrine! Oh man it was so weird and yet fun and I didn't want to wake up. We were on electric scooters I had a red one and mama g had a blue one and we were leaving what I am assuming would have been her home and she was taking me to see Rose and Anna. Well at the end of the drive way was what looked to be a little well, but instead of water there were flowers. There was a sign that said This represents the blooming friendship with Debbie Waters. The other side of the well was empty but looked as if it was being prepared for another batch of flowers and I asked what was that side for...and she said me! Then we headed to see Rose and Anna while talking about Third Day and Decemberadio and how we could get more people involved kind of thing. Weird but it was cool...I didn't wanna wake up. :)

Note to Mama G: I hope we have as good as time in real life as we do in my dreams. :)

How Great Is Our God

Last night was a pretty good night, I was probably a 6-7 on my pain scale...but God's blessings still poured through and the pain subsided. Last night I was hurt and I admit a bit angry that my family has yet to call me to check on me or give me any update with the 'grams situation'. I don't know what to do any more and I pretty much just wanna give up. So I called some people for some advice after talking to mike about it, and of course the only 2 opinions I really wanted were Rose and Anna.

Rose was with MJ and forgot her charger so I knew I was outta luck there. I called Anna and left a message, and we played phone tag a bit lol. Found Anna online and finally 'met' Mike S. Oh buddy I don't think I was expecting that experience. One of my biggest fears throughout my whole life has been Failure. Something I didn't want anyone to know, I wanted to keep my cool so to speak. Well last night for some reason Mike S. tells me that I can't be afraid of failure. Like where the heck does that come from and why is this dude telling me this. This dude was pretty brave to say something like that to me lol.

Any other time I would have gotten angry for someone saying something like that, but I just sat there awe struck in disbelief that he just said those words. Can't let the fear of failure hold you back. If you fall down then get back up and try again. Everyone fails but it's how you react to that is what matters. Hmmm mre of my own words thrown in my face, but I needed to hear it. I am not here to put anyone down so please don't misread my next paragraph.

My biological family, when I lived in NC I constantly lived in fear of some sort. Fear that I would never be good enough, Fear that I would do something wrong. I would be so scared that I wouldn't make a poster for my room right that I didn't even make it, how sad is that. Constantly feeling the pressure that I needed to be perfect. I am sure maybe my parents tried to do the best that could, with the knowledge they had. After all, for the most part they did keep me alive 18 years right? Not until the past year or so have I experienced unconditional love and I am still trying to get used to it.

Here's fear gone too far, when you fear that you won't love someone 'right' so you decide not to love at all. When you hide your feelings from those you really and truly care about because you feel it's wrong. I didn't realize how bad I had it till last night. I had a great time talking with Anna and Mike last night and a few things were brought to light and today I have more peace. Last night their daughter Jennifer even asked how my chiropractic stuff was going. I felt walls going up fast for some reason...no need to worry the foundation was rocky and it all fell down lol. I have found a love I have been searching for for a loooong time. A place I feel I can be myself and I won't be put down or criticized or loved any less because of it.

Last night both me and Anna had dreams of me being in TX. Confirmations are still coming in from different people. That's why I am now announcing that we are moving to TX begining of 2009. We do not have an exact location laid out yet all of that will come in time I know. But I feel God wants me to be where I will be edified in His will...and I know I'll receive that in TX. Me and Mike P. are both excited about this move and look forward to all God has in store for us both.

Side Note: I will not be calling my family. I feel that only more hurt and pain will come. But I will be writing a letter to them this week and say everything that I would say if we were on the phone. Thanks for your love support and prayers. It's good to be a part of the Schnable/Richter family. :)

Amazing Grace

There I sat 13 of age,
Full of rage.
Broken hearted
My life oh so parted.

We sung Amazing Grace.
You taught me how to play,
Oh the peace upon your face.
How I wished longer you'd stay.

Light of hope shining near,
No longer will I live in fear.
Onward I go I won't give in,
I know in the end I will win.

We sung Amazing Grace.
You taught me how to play,
Oh the peace upon your face.
How I thank God you stayed.

In that moment time stood still,
Prayers come thru of God's perfect will.
You're homecoming day was now here,
That sweet song I pray you now hear.

We sing Amazing Grace.
Now I stand and play.
Oh the peace upon your face
Now you're home forever to stay.

What Is Love?

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

This is not just some words printed in a book. This is not just some webster definition. This is what the creator of love has said love is. Some people amaze me how they can say, Well I love them when I first met them but I don't love them any more. Or I don't know if I love them like I used to. Love is a lot of things, but one thing it is not is unsure. You can not just turn TRUE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE on and off like a light. Either you love or you don't, there is no in between. To care for one and to love one is two different things.

I believe we throw the word Love around as if it was a softball or something. Should we hear LOVE more often, YES. BUT we should know what TRUE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE is before you use the word. Once you tell someone you love them no matter who they are I guarantee they expect, hope and pray that you mean it forever. Love should never be unsure, never a fight, but something definitely worth fighting for.

For Your Glory

Amazing song by Decemberadio and one that came to my mind this morning on my run.

When I was in High School I was the fastest runner in my class. One day we were running and instead of having the attitude of 'I am gonna run from my problems', I said 'I am gonna run to God'. That day I ran the mile in 7.02 minutes, A record I have yet to break. This isn't about setting records or running, just follow me on this.

That change in attitude is what had me more positive results and I am sure of it. When we do anything for God and for HIS glory not for our own selfish needs, ever notice the difference in your results? That one day I got so much praise from my teacher and classmates...they were in shock, and my attitude when back to selfish needs. I wanted more of that praise I wanted to be the best...and my time got worse and worse over the years.

The mindset of God will take us further than our dreams ever will. His dreams for us are always sweeter than our own. Take Mondays for example...Wake up with the attitude of Oh God it's Monday lets just get it over with, we've hindered God already and the blessings He has in store for the day. Wake up and say Good morning God it's Monday lets get this started! I guarantee you weather it's monday or whatever day, our Attitudes determine our outcomes. This sort of ties in with the power of our words...but I thought I'd share with you guys.

Don't make it hard either it's really simple...everything you do do for God's glory. It's all in your attitude...Positive Attitudes = Positive Outcomes...Try it. Our day to day jobs whether it's working in a nice cozy office or cleaning sewers...do it for God's glory and you will be blessed. People are always watching and they'll catch on, this stuff is contagious. ;)

Slow Down

Yes it's a great Third Day song but I am not here to talk about Third Day or their song Slow Down.

This will be short and sweet. So many times we go in prayer asking God to give us patience, give us peace, give us understanding, give us wisdom. Ask and you shall receive...right? Yes, God keeps His promises; Luke 11:9 Ask and it shall be given. I talk to so many people and even find myself saying the same thing, I asked and God didn't give it to me.

God gives in His timing and in His way. Look at it this way, there's a grape vine and there's a dried grape. You have 2 choices, fill the grape with juice (someway some how I am no farmer, just go with me here) and the grape will be fine for a couple days. Or you can choose to put a little more effort into it and nurture the vine and bring it back to health so to speak and the grape will be healthy for much much longer.

I feel God works in the same way. He doesn't want to just fill us up and send us on our way so that in a week or two we run back to Him asking for the same thing again, weather it be patience, wisdom, understanding, rest or whatever. I feel God wants to nurture us and embed in us His word and teachings so that we can go out a month from now and testify what He has done for us and hopefully be a blessing to others. Instead of just giving us whatever we ask for He puts us in circumstances in which we have to put a little effort forward and learn to apply it and therefore gain that which we have asked for.

Hope this makes sense and it blesses your life, let me know what you think. :)

How I Feel

Well today was an ok day. I went to work and my manager was back from her meetings. I told her about my grams and she was surprised and thankful that I actually worked the last 2 days with it all going on. She gave me the next 2 days off to rest and get things together. Work went by pretty quick I was glad about that.

I can't help but think of the way things have happened. Not being called in with the rest of the family...that hurt...bad. Not even getting a call saying grams has passed on...yeh that hurt too. Lucky for me, grams and I had that special connection and she had her way of letting me know she was going Home. I know my grams has had everyone tied up and a bit occupied...is it wrong for me to want my 'parents' or someone to ask "hey how's it going with your back? What are the doctors saying?"

I been talking to Anna and Rose more lately and I have so many mixed emotions. Some of anger, but mostly of love I've never experienced before, a peace and comfort. Other than Mike (and God knows I couldn't do this without him), I feel Rose and Anna's family are my only support and my only family. Then there are times I feel bad as though I am a burden again and I want to block myself off from them and just step back. Nothing they do...it's just me.

Through the hurt my family has put me through...all in all I have a peace about my grams, and I now have a love that I've wanted for a long time. I was talking to my Aunt Sherry just yesterday and we were talking about all of this and I told her of my friends...yes mostly Anna and Rose. One of the last things she said to me was, God always fills the void in our lives, He brings people into our lives that bring us the desires of our hearts. I believe she's right. Although I am a little sad right now...I am so happy to have Rose and Anna's family in my life. They will never know how much they mean to me and how much they have done for me even just this far. I look forward to the future and seeing what God has in store for us.

To Everyone that has been praying and showing love and support, thank you! To those certain few (you should know who you are) Thanks for being my nonbiological family. I love yall so much.

Sweet Memories 2

Grams loved to garden, boy did she love her flowers I believe patunias were her favorite. I remember playing in the dirt and us laughing together as I repeated PA-tuuuunias, sweet memories I'll never forget. Grams used to always talk about God and His love for us no matter what we did she'd always sneak it in there, she was good like that. I remember in the summer time how we didn't have a pool at her house so we filled 5 gallon buckets full of water and would sit in them and catch up on lost time. I remember the play house grandpappy built for us kids and how grams put a tea set in there and she'd sneak out with me and play tea time...followed by a quick push on the swing set. Christmas was always spent at Grams and Grandpappy every year. I loved watching Grams fix chocolate pies, plain fudge, fudge with nuts, lemon pies oh me oh my was she the best! Christmas was not about giving it was about family coming together and grams loved it...but everywhere I waited in anticipation as she would open my gift to her. Every year no matter how cheesy or corny it was she always said it's the best cause it's from MY Tracey and I always felt so much love to know I was GRAMS special little girl and that was something to be proud of.

Most of our time was spent in VA with grams...but when they could make it they traveled to NC a couple times. They made it in time for my baptism and afterwards sat me down and made sure I understood what I had just did and we talked about God and His plan for us. She made it to my last day of crusaders youth camp and the awards ceremony. I was so happy to see her I almost missed the fact that I won Sportsmanship that year...she had to tell me to go get my trophy lol still to this day I have it. My grams missed my talent competition though...but I sent her a tape and I watched it with her so it was as if she was there and she made me feel so important. She had a way of giving me a confidence and encouragment no one ever did before. She taught me the difference between mercy and grace, the importance of love and the power of our words.

One day she was visiting with us in NC and I was upset about something that had happened...I was angry at my parents...I ran outta the house with a mini keyboard I had and sat on the swing outside banging away at it. My grams followed me out and just stood there by the swing under the tree and said...Is this seat taken? Of course I let her sit down...although I was just banging away at the keyboard obnoxiously she said "that's a beautiful song." I just laughed at her and said I am not playing nothing and she taught me that we speak to God not only in our words but our actions and He loves it when we talk to Him in the good and the bad times. She proceeded to show me how to play Amazing Grace.

I looked up at her in awe I had no idea she knew how to play. I asked her how did she do that, and with a smile of peace she said I play from my heart it just comes natural. I never really understood what that meant at the time but I was anxious to find out. I learned how to play Amazing Grace that day and I was so stinking proud of myself. I told her I would play it at her funeral one day and quickly took my words back not realizing what I had just slipped out and she just smiled and said I'd like that.

My grams is a special woman, smartest woman I know in knowledge and wisdom. One of love, determination, understanding and even patience. I pray that as I grow old I become at least half the woman she was. I called my grams more and more recently knowing she was sick I wanted her to know I loved her dearly. Many times she was too sick to call but as soon as grandpappy told her it was me...she gained energy from somewhere to talk to me for 5 minutes, enough to say I love you. Our last conversation was her making sure I was right with God. To make sure I knew what it took to get into heaven all she cared about was that I was gonna be ok and be on the right path. The last thing my grams said to me was Tracey I love you.

I had a dream about a week ago...much deeper than a dream but I am not sure what to call it. I was with my grams I could smell her and feel her wrap her arms around me tight in hugs and say I love you and I want you to be happy and stay in God's will. She told me not to worry about not making it down to say good bye that that's what that time was for. Not to worry about the funeral because she wouldn't be there herself. Yesterday (9-20-08) I was laying on my futon just strumming my guitar before work and about 2:40 I smelt my grams again like in the dream...and in that moment I knew she was going home. I got the news last night of confirmation on that.

I am sad, I am hurt but for those praying please know that I love my grams very much and yes I'll miss her but I am not sad or hurt by this. I had my time with her something no one else experienced. I am hurt at the way my family has treated all of this in which I will not go into details because this is about sweet memories. My last memory of me and my grams will be that night in my 'dream' where I said my farewell and she assured me and I assured her all would be ok. There's a special connection with me and my grams...one I may never figure out, but we know how it is and that's all that matters. I love you grams.

Love,
Your special girl
Sugar Lump

Sweet Memories

I don't remember much from being a baby. But around 4-5 years old I have a few memories I can remember. I grew up and lived in NC, my great grandparents lived in VA and we made it a point to go see them at LEAST once a month for a weekend. When I was younger I remember every Saturday morning waking up running into grams and grandpappy's room and hiding under the covers with them. Grams would say: Sherwood (grandpappy) I think a sugar lump has crawled right up in our bed. I'd cover my mouth trying not to giggle until they both rolled over and hugged me. We'd get up make the bed and off to the kitchen to prepare breakfeast. Grams and Grandpappy would have their coffee I would have my orange juice, and I'd watch as grams would prepare breakfeast adding secret ingredients I was yet too young to know about. After breakfeast me and grams would go to the nursing home to see her mom. We'd watch homeward bound and I'd have 2nd breakfeast with my great great grams.

Time goes by with the same routine, never failing. When I was 10-14 the routine begins to change a little. Saturday morning I'd crawl outta bed to find grams and grandpappy already awake and finished with their first cup of coffee...but grams never started breakfeast without me. I never even realized that till now, and how special that time meant to not only me but to my grams as well. Grams would offer me coffee and I'd always make my joke coffee is for old people but I'll take hot chocolate. After our drinks were made we'd begin making pancakes soon finding out the secret ingredient, a little love and sugar to remind everyone they were from grams and sugar lump. After breakfeast, with great great grams already passed away and home bound, I'd rush off to an eventful day with my aunt and uncle. Time now I wish I would have spent a little more with my grams. Before I departed, me and grams would walk down to horse stables down the road about a mile. We'd feed the horses and name them something different every week because grams could never remember. One day we walked a little further to a pond and were attacked by geese, wasn't funny then but now I can't help but chuckle.

15-18 years old I was so angry, bitter and hurt by secret life going on at home. I always thought grams secretly knew. She always made it a point to hug me more than usual, always to make sure I knew I was loved and that I was her 'special girl'. My last visit to my grams was about 2 years ago, I drove from TN to VA to go see her and grandpappy. The family was angry because it was more of a surprise, I got a lot of grief from that visit. But even still a surprise as I rung the door bell and they came to the door it never failed they welcomed me with open arms and kisses.

From the time I was little to my last visit I had with my family to my grams...I loved bed time. I'd give my hugs and kisses good night and off to bed with anticipation and excitement. I knew grams would soon appear with the Fairy Tale book. So many stories and for some reason I always wanted to hear Rumpelstiltskin. When I was in 9th grade I was given a monkey as a birthday gift from a friend I call monk monk. I'd sneak him off with me wherever I went no matter how old I was...he was my friend. I was 17 and my parents refused to let me take him on our trip to VA, I was devestated I cried the whole way there. That night grams comes in and I told her what happened. She goes into the closet and pulls out a teddy bear and says I am sorry sweetie this is the best I can do, and reads me Rumpelstiltskin and says it's our little secret.

Sweet Memories Part 2 coming soon...

Lets Talk

Ever have those times when you just wanna sit down and talk to someone with nothing planned to say...just go with the flow and see where the moment takes you? Right now is one of those times. So much going on so much to think about. So here's my blunt and honest ramble to whoever cares to read it.

So one day something just happened and a change began to occur. I was angry and hurt and felt that one of my closest friendships were falling apart. I talked to that friend today for the first time in a long time, and I believe now I understand why we needed that time apart. While away from that friend I grew closer to others and built a relationship with a couple of people and thier families I never dreamed possible. I can't say it's all been happy go lucky though.

These friends have shown me things of myself I liked but bashfully shyed away from hoping they wouldn't see my true feelings. Others, well to be honest it hurt. I am disappointed in myself, I failed myself and my friends. I would say I have failed God...but He says I haven't failed...only stumbled...again lol. I admit I have a problem cussing. If I become angry or upset I feel others are coming against me I flare up and I just say the first thing that comes to mind. Some christian huh?

I am here to tell ya folks, we may be christian but we sure in heck aint perfect. We don't always make the best choices, we can't always hold our head high and proud and anyone who claims differently is full of themselves. I admit and apologize that I have looked at some of you as though you are perfect...I put you on a pedalstal you should not be on. I apologize for that, sometimes when we find people that come into our lives and they love us through our faults...it's easy to get caught up in ourselves so to speak and think they are better than us.

My conscience is killing me over my tongue. There's life and death in the tongue and I've spoken a lot of death lately. Intentionally or not...once it's said it's done you can't take words back. You can't take back the hurt you may have caused someone. Today most people knowingly or not want and fight for power. Weather it be in our work place, our homes, our families or amoungst friends. Here's a little reminder...You hold a lot of power in that little thing inside your mouth called your tongue. The simplest words can and your attitude can either better someone's day or tear them down.

I called a very dear friend of mine about an hour ago and I really wasn't sure why I had nothing new to tell her...so while I am waiting for her to answer and in all honesty hoping the voice mail would pick up so I didn't sound so stupid...I prayed. God why are you having me call her...AGAIN? I feel like such a bother sometimes when I call people especially when it seems to become habit. But as she answered the phone, I felt God telling me to speak life...and so I did with 3 words, I love you. That was all I had to say nothing more left in my wee little brain could I think of besides, I love you.

Challenge yourself today to think before you speak. Are your words gonna bring life or will they bring death? Are you speaking out of emotion or are you speaking from your heart? It's hard to do sometimes especially when we get tied up in our day and everything is chaotic...but I challenge you to stand along side of me today and choose to speak life to everyone you come in contact with.

Be Blessed and always remember You are a child of the most high God!

God Will Always Work It Out

For anyone that reads this blog must surely know the battles I've been through lately, some more so than others. My greatest battle being that my Grams has stopped treatments for her melanoma cancer. Her being in severe pain and so weak all she can do is sleep. Being 1000 miles away from her, not being able to talk to her or anything. Feeling an extreme strong connection with her and yet unable to figure out what it is and what to do with it. I've been fighting the tears for quite some time and the last few days I have failed miserably at that. Being afraid and too shelfish to pray for God's will.

Last night I created a playlist of Decemberadio playing Love Can, Be Alright and Find You Waiting. I cried for hours asking God to bring me strength, comfort and a peace above all understanding. Be Alright began playing the 2nd or 3rd time and the words engrossed me from the start. "You've got the world upon your shoulders it don't have to be this way you can't stop your heart from hurting or take the pain away. You know life can get a little hard sometimes but I know it's gonna be alright." I've listened to this song a million times since I've had the cd and it just never captured me so much that this is exactly what I am going through right now.

I went to bed praying God would bring me peace so I could get some sleep. I was yet to pray for His will. Mike tucked me into bed and I believe as soon as my head hit the pillow I was gone and God began working. I can't explain it all but my grams was with me...it was a dream but yet real. I was hugging her and I felt her body against mine I smelt that spring fresh smell that has always embedded her home. I began to cry and telling her how I felt. Everything on how I was scared and I wanted her to stay how much I loved her and how I wish I would have done things differently. I held her close and it was extremely weird I felt I was in her home she was updating me on things such as how they have to sleep in the spare bedroom now because their main bedroom with their bed is too high for her to get on. I don't know if that is true but I am curious to find out now. So we went into the spare bedroom and I tucked her into bed and held her close. I told her everything would be ok I assured her that I am safe and happy and that although I still mess up I now stand firm in my faith with God and I know He's always there for me.

My grams got a peaceful look on her face and just smiled. I was so honest with her I told her how I felt about even the funeral and how I would try everything in my might but how things are tight still but I wouldn't give up. She told me not to worry that me being there with her then in that moment (last night) was all she needed, and that she would not be at the funeral either because she was going home. I began to cry again as I asked God to bless her with the best of angel wings He has and in that moment I prayed for God's will to be done, I gave my grams back to her owner. In the very second I sat straight up in bed looked at the clock at it was 12:00 am on the dot and I went back to sleep and slept for the first time in about a week with no bad dreams or anything.

As I type this blog out I still feel the tears streaming but no more in sadness, rather thankfullness. Many will call me crazy after reading this, but I know what happened. I can't explain it I don't know why it happened I just know God was in it. Me being so far away from my grams it's impossible to be with her, but with God all things are possible. Although this was only a dream or whatever it was, God made it possible that I was with my grams. It will be sad no longer having her around, especially her chocolate pie lol; but I know at least she will be home and receiving all that she deserves and has longed for.