How I Feel

Well today was an ok day. I went to work and my manager was back from her meetings. I told her about my grams and she was surprised and thankful that I actually worked the last 2 days with it all going on. She gave me the next 2 days off to rest and get things together. Work went by pretty quick I was glad about that.

I can't help but think of the way things have happened. Not being called in with the rest of the family...that hurt...bad. Not even getting a call saying grams has passed on...yeh that hurt too. Lucky for me, grams and I had that special connection and she had her way of letting me know she was going Home. I know my grams has had everyone tied up and a bit occupied...is it wrong for me to want my 'parents' or someone to ask "hey how's it going with your back? What are the doctors saying?"

I been talking to Anna and Rose more lately and I have so many mixed emotions. Some of anger, but mostly of love I've never experienced before, a peace and comfort. Other than Mike (and God knows I couldn't do this without him), I feel Rose and Anna's family are my only support and my only family. Then there are times I feel bad as though I am a burden again and I want to block myself off from them and just step back. Nothing they do...it's just me.

Through the hurt my family has put me through...all in all I have a peace about my grams, and I now have a love that I've wanted for a long time. I was talking to my Aunt Sherry just yesterday and we were talking about all of this and I told her of my friends...yes mostly Anna and Rose. One of the last things she said to me was, God always fills the void in our lives, He brings people into our lives that bring us the desires of our hearts. I believe she's right. Although I am a little sad right now...I am so happy to have Rose and Anna's family in my life. They will never know how much they mean to me and how much they have done for me even just this far. I look forward to the future and seeing what God has in store for us.

To Everyone that has been praying and showing love and support, thank you! To those certain few (you should know who you are) Thanks for being my nonbiological family. I love yall so much.