To my fellow stalkers

For those that obviously are still following me around...here's your note. I am glad you're so enthused and interested in my life that you continue to follow me around. I hope you can see how well I am doing now and how much God is blessing me. Although most of you put me through hell in back in more ways than you even know...thank you. It's made me a better person at least someone benefitted from it. Read my blogs if you want, maybe one day you'll allow God to minister to you. Continue with your negative/harrassing comments and I'll make sure that you are completely blocked off and not allowed to leave any comments. It's time to move on...I have and so should you.

~Daddys_lil_girl~

Hello Beautiful!

For those that talk to me on a daily basis, they know that I usually greet them with some sort of 'encouraging' view. Such as Hello Beautiful, Gorgeous, Sunshine, Love face...I think you get the point. I have some beautiful friends inside and out. Some of them with an inner beauty so illuminate that's all you can see.

I am usually fairly good at self confidence. I don't think I am drop dead gorgeous and I don't think I am ugly. I always try to see myself in God's mirror. But as I looked in the mirror this morning all saw my reflection in MY mirror. Was not a pretty site I seemed pale, black under my eyes and my face pretty badly broken out. I can't tell you how many times I looked in the mirror today and just wanted to cry.

I didn't feel of worth or beauty today. I am not even sure why, tomorrow is a new day but I wanted to share how I felt today; that's the purpose of blogging after all right?

All I Want For Christmas

I know I know it's only October, but before you know it Christmas will be here. Along with that age old question you're bound to hear 400 billion times, What do you want for Christmas? Please Note: I do not want hate mail coming to me saying Christmas is not about gifts it's about Jesus...I know that! So just relax and don't think so much. ;-)

Since I was 12 years old all I wanted for Christmas was a family to call my own. One that wanted me for who I was and it was that year that my parents told me to go find other parents. Day in and day out I prayed and searched for someone that would take me in. Well here I am 9 years later and I finally have what I always wanted for Christmas.

So for those that are just so stinking nice and want to send packages out, I can't stop you. But I do want you all to know that I have all I want for Christmas. Although they are in TX they are still very close to my heart and they're all mine...well you know what I mean lol. I know next year I'll be able to spend Christmas with them personally as we will have been moved and everything.

All I wanted for Christmas was a family took my 9 years to get what I always wanted, but the best things in life are worth waiting for. I pray you all have a blessed merry Christmas and truly get what your heart desires, whether it be something physical or something a little more sentimental like mine. Always remember, Jesus is the reason for the season and He is the ultimate one that gives you the desires of your heart; no matter what the return address may say. ;-)

Mercy Me Blessed Me

As most of you know, especially Rose and Mike of course; Yesterday was a bad day. It was full of hardships and pain I was not ready to face. After work I came home and decided to sit in and watch the Mercy Me concert live online and chat with some good friends there. Just as I was not expecting to face the hardships of the day nor was I ready to be blessed in such a way.

It was nearing the end and Bart began to talk about how it's not about us it's all about God and His plan. It was one of those moments I felt like he was just speaking to me personally. Not all our hardships come from the devil and why do we give him so much credit. God takes us through things to strengthen us and to prepare us for the plan He has in store for us later down the road. He continued to sing Bring the Rain and Emanuel it was an AMAZING night filled with some really amazing worship.

By the end of the show I felt a bit guilty for the way I had acted the whole day. Yeh I had a hard day but I am sure I brought a few others down with me, especially at work. Mike sorry you're always stuck with me and my bad days. Rose thanks for being there and talking to me, it really did help. Thanks Mercy Me for just doing what you do and doing it well. I suppose it is like mom always says, Today is the day the Lord has made, rejoice and be glad in it...no matter what may come.

I made the call

9:30 this morning I decided to call my grandpappy. If you don't know, this is the first time we have spoken since grams passed away. I have never in 21 years heard my grandpappy cry, until today. It was heart breaking and I so badly wanted to be there to sit in his lap as when I was a little and tell him everything would be ok. We continued with small talk while both fighting tears not wanting the other to hear our pain.

He asked when we were moving back to NC and I just didn't have the heart to tell him we were moving to TX, I didn't feel the time was right. I just told him things had gotten behind in the move with my 'medical problems' going on. He asked about the rest of the family and the last we talked. He continued to say the saddest thing to see is a family to fall apart. Grandpappy knows how the family is and how they have chosen not to talk to me.

Having said this he chose to inform me that I am now an aunt. My sister apparantly had her baby yesterday. I do not know the name of the baby or anything besides it was born yesterday. My grandpappy said he wanted to do what he felt was right and I should know what is going on. I feel my grandpappy is the only one that really wants me in this family.

Although it was hard and fighting tears, we had a good conversation. I worry about my grandpappy his doctor says his health is not well he's not eating right or anything. He's really having it hard I can only imagine. He said in all his life he's never felt so much pain. It was my turn to advise my grandpappy and remind him of God's promises. Please keep him in your prayers.

I plan to write him soon and send him pictures of me, I'll be staying in contact at least once a week now.

Month Gone By

It's been almost a month since my grams has passed away. Everyday gets easier I suppose...but I still miss her as much as the last time I saw her. Since then I have been completely honest and up front with my biological family with respect on how I felt on the way they didn't stay in contact with me. Pretty much it's over for now with my biological family, they've made it clear they don't want any thing to do with me.

One thing that is 'burdening me' is that I haven't talked to my grandpappy since grams passed. It hurts me a lot but I don't know what to say when I do call. I don't know what he will think or say to me. I know my family has been talking about me and the way I have stood up to them. I so bad wanna talk to Grandpappy, but what do I say, how do I fight the tears? How do I tell him we're moving to Tx? I am still praying, a part of me wants to call and the other part feels I should be waiting.

Anyway just needed to vent this out. So if anyone chooses to read this I would really appreciate some prayers. Thanks to those that read my blogs.

xxx
Tracey

Just Relax

Saying good night to my 'sister' down in Texas, although our chat was short she reminded me of something. The truth of God's promises. I was just thinking of our conversation and this sort of just came out. This is my prayer and creed, I love you Jennifer Schnabel thank you!

Just relax they say
Tomorrow is a new day.
Try and unwind
Don't allow satan to get you in a bind.

I ponder and pray
when the sun will shine my way.
Through all the hustle and grind
Patience and peace I will find.

To my knees I fall
Dear God take it all
I can't bare it any more,
You're the one I adore.

Here on the solid rock I stand
God by my side hand in hand
One thing reamins true you see
The Son always shines on me.

Message in a Dream

A couple of nights ago I once again had a dream about TX and things that would happen. Let me start this by saying that these dreams have happened my whole life and usually come true in some way shape or form. Now that we're moving to TX I see things that I know will one day come true.

We (Mike, mom, dad, rose, adam, the kids) were at this auditordium and my dream kept flashing one time I am indoors and the next we're outside on a platform. Either way there's 100's of people there and we're doing praise and worship. I don't know everyone that is leading worship but I know mom, dad and adam are on stage. We're finishing out worship and of course Emanuel, God with us is the song. Well the worship team keeps playing and mom and dad introduce me on stage as their daughter saying I am going to give my testimony.

I begin to get on stage and I am not nervous at all. The band is still playing, instead of starting to tell my testimony I tell the band to stop playing. I get a word from God and I begin to give it to the crowd and everyone is cheering and saying amen. All I remember of 'the word' is I said My feet are planted on the solid rock I stand my faith is grounded in the word of God. Then I woke up.

I know big things are yet to come in TX and I am excited to get started. I thank God for the dreams He has given me. I do pray though that He will soon give me dreams on how to make this move work. I am ready to go and get started.

Feels So Good

Growing up was tough, as most of you know. Something I wouldn't pray on my worse enemy and I pray to God I never have to go through certain things again. My past has made me who I am today so I am grateful and thankful for God taking me through it. Growing up though there was something I longed for something I could never seem to find. When I was in 7th grade my parents told me to go find other parents. I have longed and searched for years that God would send a family to my life that would love and care for me the way I have always longed for.

Don't get me wrong I have met some fabulous lovely people through out my life that have helped me through and played 'mother roles' in my life so to speak. Without them I would have given up...but something just never really 'felt right' so to speak. I met Mike and married and sort of just forgot about the whole family thing as though I assumed it was 'too late'. Deep down though I still longed for that family to call my own. To know if I ever need a mom or dad to talk to I have someone to go to. Or a sister or brother I could go and just talk to whether them venting to me or vise versa.

Well as my close friends know, I have met a family. A family that I didn't really expect to be THE FAMILY. It started out with one and that one became one of my closest friend I have today. Now I/we call her aunt shoo shoo hehe that still makes me laugh. She introduced me to her sister and I knew then why God sent them to my life. I now have a family...my miracle family. I've been trying to accept this unconditional love stuff and accept the fact that they actually do love me and want me.

I told my best friend ever Jennifer Turnage, last night about them and she knows too how much they mean to me and how long I have waited to finally have a family to call my own. Last night I was talking to mom which most would probably know as Anna or sewnlove. I was so happy to talk to her as nana is in town and we've not had much time to talk after we had just started talking about every night even if just to say good night now I haven't talked to her in about 8 days. Near the end of our conversation mom said Jenn (my fantabulous remarkable 'little' (barely) sister) had gotten home about 30 minutes ago. I asked mom why she wasn't in bed by now and her response had me in tears.

She replied: "I needed some quality time with my daughter". I have never heard that in my entire life and I can't describe how good it felt to hear it. I enjoyed the remainder of my time with 'my mom' with tear filled eyes and peace in my heart. It feels so good to finally have a family to call my own. One to love me unconditionally, one where I can be myself and not be judged, where I can be edified and prayed over. I can not explain how blessed I am to be part of the Schnabel/Richter family. Thank you and Thank God for the most awesomeness blessing ever! I love yall so much can't wait to come home.

Shabby made me do it

So yeh apparantly I am suppose to go to the 6th picture in the 6th album of my pictures and talk about the picture. So like here it is.



This is when we were in IN at the Music Build Tour/Habitat for Humanity trip. We had just gotten to the hotel and I saw the mirror and decided that it was time I had a mirror picture of myself since everyone else has one. Yes, I am ashamed I conformed to the ways of this wild and wacky world but it's ok God has forgiven me.