God Will Always Work It Out

For anyone that reads this blog must surely know the battles I've been through lately, some more so than others. My greatest battle being that my Grams has stopped treatments for her melanoma cancer. Her being in severe pain and so weak all she can do is sleep. Being 1000 miles away from her, not being able to talk to her or anything. Feeling an extreme strong connection with her and yet unable to figure out what it is and what to do with it. I've been fighting the tears for quite some time and the last few days I have failed miserably at that. Being afraid and too shelfish to pray for God's will.

Last night I created a playlist of Decemberadio playing Love Can, Be Alright and Find You Waiting. I cried for hours asking God to bring me strength, comfort and a peace above all understanding. Be Alright began playing the 2nd or 3rd time and the words engrossed me from the start. "You've got the world upon your shoulders it don't have to be this way you can't stop your heart from hurting or take the pain away. You know life can get a little hard sometimes but I know it's gonna be alright." I've listened to this song a million times since I've had the cd and it just never captured me so much that this is exactly what I am going through right now.

I went to bed praying God would bring me peace so I could get some sleep. I was yet to pray for His will. Mike tucked me into bed and I believe as soon as my head hit the pillow I was gone and God began working. I can't explain it all but my grams was with me...it was a dream but yet real. I was hugging her and I felt her body against mine I smelt that spring fresh smell that has always embedded her home. I began to cry and telling her how I felt. Everything on how I was scared and I wanted her to stay how much I loved her and how I wish I would have done things differently. I held her close and it was extremely weird I felt I was in her home she was updating me on things such as how they have to sleep in the spare bedroom now because their main bedroom with their bed is too high for her to get on. I don't know if that is true but I am curious to find out now. So we went into the spare bedroom and I tucked her into bed and held her close. I told her everything would be ok I assured her that I am safe and happy and that although I still mess up I now stand firm in my faith with God and I know He's always there for me.

My grams got a peaceful look on her face and just smiled. I was so honest with her I told her how I felt about even the funeral and how I would try everything in my might but how things are tight still but I wouldn't give up. She told me not to worry that me being there with her then in that moment (last night) was all she needed, and that she would not be at the funeral either because she was going home. I began to cry again as I asked God to bless her with the best of angel wings He has and in that moment I prayed for God's will to be done, I gave my grams back to her owner. In the very second I sat straight up in bed looked at the clock at it was 12:00 am on the dot and I went back to sleep and slept for the first time in about a week with no bad dreams or anything.

As I type this blog out I still feel the tears streaming but no more in sadness, rather thankfullness. Many will call me crazy after reading this, but I know what happened. I can't explain it I don't know why it happened I just know God was in it. Me being so far away from my grams it's impossible to be with her, but with God all things are possible. Although this was only a dream or whatever it was, God made it possible that I was with my grams. It will be sad no longer having her around, especially her chocolate pie lol; but I know at least she will be home and receiving all that she deserves and has longed for.