Be Uncomfortable.

Honesty is about to break lose as I write this blog. Dear Lord please guide my words.

So it's been near close to a month since our move to Texas. I was excited moving down here, I knew I would draw closer to God and I wanted that for myself and for Mike as well. I've come to realize that although while in MN I was out of my 'comfort zone' and wanted to be back in NC many times with my friends and family, I was still very much comfortable in my day to day walk. I've said this before and I'll say it again and again Texas has not been all rays of sunshine.

Coming to Texas has taken me out of a comfort zone on a new level. Yes I am with 'family' but nevertheless we're still all strangers. I know God placed us all together for a reason and I do not regret us moving here. I realized this morning while doing my bible study that I wanted to gain a closer more intimate relationship with Christ without doing any 'dirty work'. How selfish is that right...typical human! Pastor Danny has actually talked about being a disciple at church the last couple of Sunday's. There is a price to pay...it's going to cost us. I dunno it's like sometimes my brain doesn't think things all the way through. Example: God I want change I want to grow more intimate with you. Then the changes begin to happen and it seems that you are having more issues than you were before you asked never realizing that this is exactly what you asked for.

I've always told people that God will not just give you patience or love or understanding or wisdom whatever it is you ask for. He'll give you opportunities/situations to where you have to apply that and it's through those experience that you get what you ask for...the price you have to pay, it's gonna cost you. I have been through some pretty hard stuff in my short lived life, but I admit this has to be the hardest thing thus far that I have ever had to go through. I am eternally thankful to God for this opportunity and for the things that He has done this far. I am also thankful for my family that is in this with me. It's been hard on all of us, there's been some tears, but we're sticking it out and we're all learning and growing through this.

Although most days I feel a bit uncomfortable in this new enviroment and being pushed (by God) to do things I would not normally do, I am humble and the joy of the Lord is my strength. This is not necessarily me going through a desert just me climbing a mountain...that feels like Mt. Everst at times but nonetheless. (lol) I am so blessed and thankful to have this opportunity. Each day is a new learning experience a new price to pay. No one ever said that this journey is going to be easy but there is one that has promised if we totally trust and rely on Him, it will be worth it. What challenges are you facing today? Sometimes it's hard to look at the 'positives'. I want to encourage you today to change your perspective and attitude. Instead of looking at your mountain and saying oh God why me why now what did I do to deserve this, ask God what you are to learn from it. Be brave, Be courageous, Be uncomfortable.

Love, Hugs & Blessings.

Our God Reigns

This past week was just another week of lessons and learning. To begin with at work I am already training new employees and being considered for a raise. Also the owner of the store would like for me to start actually opening the store...EEKS! I have a feeling if God continues to strengthen my back and such I can be a manager!

I have been praying for confidence and boldness. I have been opening up more with my parents and it's made a world of difference. It's really amazing (in a bad way) how much power we give the devil with our minds. So I encourage any and everyone that reads this blog if you feel something is wrong or whatever go and talk to the other person involved. More than likely there's nothing wrong and they don't think or feel the way you feel they do. Grant it there may be something going on but it could just be a minor misunderstanding that can easily be talked out. So don't give the enemy any foothold!

After a discussion with my parents last night I was filled with an incredible amount of boldness and confidence after our prayer and all. I called my biological mother last night and actually had a decent talk with her. I even had the courage to pray with her on the phone and say I love you mom before hanging up. I have not called her mom in about 3 years...I just usually avoid having to call her anything. So a lot of healing and restoration going on.

Today Mike got a job at Sears and he starts Thursday thank God for that. I really don't know what else to say I am sitting here trying to think of all the good God has done and I know unfortunately I am forgetting something. God is so amazing and His love is unfailing. I am so blessed to be able to go through this expereince and I pray everyone else involved is too. I am going to bed now I need some Zzzz's!

Love, Hugs & Blessings

Hard Truths

Last night God revealed to me some hard truths. As I've said before this journey in Texas has not all been easy. I am the kind of person that will do whatever it takes to make someone happy and when I don't suceed I feel like a failure. Last night I had a few words with a really wise woman (take one guess). I told her how I think she's amazing and how this past week I've realized how much I don't appreciate her the way I should. Of course she turns my focus back to God replying that it's all HIM and nothing to do with her. She's right I know she is.

Anyway, last night I made a minor yet stupid change on my facebook. I wanted to change a part of who I was I wanted to compromise who I was and how I really felt to make others happy. It wasn't until after the conversation with the wise woman and the loud booming voice from God that I realized I made a mistake. I KNOW I can't make everyone happy it's just not possible, but BELIEVING it is a different story. Right now that is what I am dealing with is trying to believe that I can't make everyone happy nor is it my 'job' to make everyone happy.

I should be more concerned with am I making GOD happy, and if I am making HIM happy that's all that matters the rest will fall into place. So for anyone and everyone reading this when you're in your prayer time, I'd greatly appreciate a prayer as this is a tough one for me. I love to see people happy but I am coming to realize that there's only one person that can bring true joy and happiness and His name is Jesus. I need to stop trying to play Holy Ghost Jr. and let God do what He's best at.

Just Gotta Say

The past couple of days my mom has not felt the best in the world. As a matter of fact it's had her confined to her bed all wrapped up with the rest of the family taking care of her. This is the first time I've ever seen my mom sick in person, and to be honest I didn't expect to react this way so to speak. Of course she is a special lady and I love her to death and I thank God for her everyday. In the last couple of days though I've come to realize how important my mom is to this family.

We work as a team here in this family. We all do a little to help out around the house. With God...(then daddy...lol) as our team captain we work through our days and for the most part have some pretty awesome days together. The past couple of morning though I must say my mornings have been a bit off...something missing. Even work questioned me today as to what was wrong with me and they have only seen me at work 4 days. I told them my mom was sick and they were like wow she must be pretty special you really love her huh? Ummm like DUGH!!!

I haven't really known how to 'cope' so to speak with my mom being sick. So much of me wants to fight it for her but I know that's not my place. I have prayed multiple times and fought the urge to go in and check on her so she can get some sleep. I made my mom a little book today with drawings I drew and some writing on there. I hope it cheered her up a little bit at least. I admit I miss my momma some kind of bad. Although she is still in the home, I miss her smile that usually greets me in the mornings. I miss her singing praises of joy to our Savior, our King, our Emanuel, our God. I know God is healing her and tomorrow she is going to be better.

Thank you to those that have prayed for her it's been greatly appreciated. I guess the saying is true...You never know how much you really have until it's gone. Although my mom is still here, she is not really around and she is greatly missed. I have a great respect and honor for my mom. She brings to this family that no one else can. We all have a little special gift that we bring to each other through out our days and when one is missing, it is definitely missed. I love my momma!

Still Learning

It's going on 20 days since I've been in Texas with my family. Still so much learning going on that I was not expecting to get. I knew things would change and I knew I would grow, but I admit I didn't expect this. My mom and dad are amazing. They correct me in love, and get this, I don't get angry. That is a new me...THANK GOD! I actually listen to them and try to apply it to my life and make a change and it affects EVERYONE not just me.

We are not perfect things are not always happy go lucky, but we always pull together and through prayer we are getting through things. Mike is making a lot of changes in his life as well and I know God has caught him a little off guard as well. Let me tell ya something when God moves He MOVES! It's not just in one area of my life right now or just one relationship...it's many and I am so blessed by it. I am excited to see what God is doing.

I feel more alive and have a new joy about myself and others are begining to notice it as well. My mom loves to talk about joy and the joy of the Lord is our strength. I really never understood what that meant but this past week God has revealed to me what it means, or at least what it means to me and my life. I have been in the word more this past week than I have been I believe my entire life and my parents didn't even force me too. (lol)

I have started a new bible study just today about being the King's daughter. This is something I have heard quite a few times in my life but I read it today and I actually BELIEVED it. My attitudes have changed today and it's just amazing to see how God is working not just in me but everyone around. I am so blessed and I really look forward to seeing what else God has in store for me. Tomorrow I am going to a bible study at The Ark with my mom and possibly my sisters. I am a bit nervous...but then again excited.

Anywho it's time for a shower it's been a long day and tomorrow is full of many more of God's great blessings and lessons new. Love, Hugs & Blessings.

A Virtuous Woman

Being a mother and being a mommy are two different things to me. I believe that any female that can conceive can be a mother. It takes a little more effort and hard work to be a mommy though. I have a mother and I have a mom 2 separate women. I was born into a family and had a mother and father that did the best they could with what they knew. When I was young I was told by my mother to go and find other parents, so that began my quest to find a mommy and daddy. I am 21 years old and I have finally been blessed with a mom and dad. Although they are both amazing people, I will only speak of my mom for now.

My mom is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my entire life. One of her most loved physical feature about her is her hair. She began at an early age to develop gray hair. Most people joke and say that it’s wisdom not knowing that that’s exactly what I believe it is. When she speaks her words are wise, and kindness is the rule when she gives instructions. (Proverbs 31:26) One thing I have noticed about my mom is that when she instructs us to do something, of course like any parent she expects us to do it, but she does leave the door open for us to make our own decisions reminding us there are consequences to our actions. I do not fear my mom she doesn’t make me fear her, she simply reminds me that it’s all about God and that I should be more concerned of His response if I do not obey. She is a woman full of wisdom that constantly sends a reminder of who gives her the wisdom.

Most people say that you can see a person’s soul through their eyes. Whether this be true or not, when I look into those beautiful brown eyes I see love. I see peace, gentleness and grace. I see all that the bible says our heavenly Father is. When I look into her eyes I can’t help but smile as I feel I am looking into God’s heart. A place where I escape and feel as though I am a little child sitting in my Father’s arms. When you can look into one’s eyes and feel you are looking at God’s pure heart, it’s a priceless incomparable feeling. Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is worth more than precious rubies. (Proverbs 31:10)

In our household we are full of laughs and joy that can only come from one place. My mom always tells me that her mom used to always tell her, “You wake up every morning with the choice of how you feel so why not be happy.” Grant it, that is not exactly how it goes, but it’s pretty close. My mom is one of those people that love to make other people happy. Whether she does it by giving an encouraging word or by tickling or just a gentle embrace, she’ll do what it takes to bring a smile. Her smile to me is breath taking. Her smile lights up the world and brings a new hope. I have come to believe that her internal light shines from the inside out. So my mom always has this extra glow about her, but when she smiles the light finds the opening through her laughter and smiles and escapes to illuminate the darkest places. When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” (John 8:12)

I recently read a book called The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian. My mom gave me this book to encourage me in my marriage, yet I got so much more from it. Along with learning how to better my marriage so to speak, I also learned things that a wife and a mother has to do and how they may feel at times. It blew me away as I never really thought of everything they have to do and how much they take on. My mom has been with my dad 23 years on April 11th 2009. She is always showing love to my dad, whether it is outwardly showing affection through a hug or goodbye kiss, to making sure he has hot meals, or just encouraging him in his everyday duties and walk with God. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She will not hinder him but help him all her life. (Proverbs 31:11-12) My mom is not only a mom to me but to 3 of us. Although we are ‘practically grown’ she still continues to care for us and guide us when we need help. When I first moved back home, my husband and I only had a mattress to sleep on. She was not pleased with this and wanted to make us comfortable, and with hardwood floors, well things tend to get cold even in Texas. My mom wanted to bless us and so one day her and my dad went out and came back with a new mattress and box spring for us so that we would no longer have to sleep ‘on the floor’. I still do not understand how ‘hard’ it was for her but I know that she had to rise above and do something that was difficult for her, and I am forever thankful. She is always showing us love in so many ways and I am so blessed to have that in my life.

One of my mom’s greatest passions, other than serving God, is sewing. This woman blows my mind away with the stuff that she makes. Whether she’s crocheting or sewing or just doing a ‘simple craft’, she does it in love. I was watching her the other day make a tote bag in her sewing room. I just stood there and watched in awe, I had seen people sew and such before but not like this. I began to tell my mom that I think she is awesome in what she does, she just chuckled and asked why other people do the same thing you know. I was left speechless I knew what I wanted to say but just for some reason was left silenced. I looked at the wall behind my mom where she was sewing and was reminded that her business is called Sew N Love. That’s what makes my mom so different from the other people that do the same thing. With each new stitch you see love being sewn and the passion being poured into her work. Her hands are busy spinning thread, her fingers twisting fiber. (Proverbs 31:19)

One of my favorite things to hear my mom do is sing. Oh my word, talk about soothing the soul and bringing a peace. I may be a little biased but to hear her sing is like listening to an angel sent straight from heaven. Watching her sing I see the passion she has for God. The love just overflows and nothing can keep her from singing. It brings tears to my eyes as a joy floods my soul and before I know it I begin singing a new chorus from within. My mom speaks of God a lot. How His mercy and grace are renewed each day. His abundance of love and forgiveness that surpasses all understanding. She is not a woman to just speak of what she has read in some book, she is a woman that speaks and lives what she believes. Times get tough she doesn’t live in a fairy tale, but she always runs to the one that can make it all right again. He restores her strength and gives her peace that leaves her with more to add to her testimony. She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs with no fear of the future. (Proverbs 31:25)

I have a few heroes in my life for different reasons. There is one that is my hero and I truly pray that I become at least half of the woman she has become. My mom, a true virtuous woman and my hero. There is so much to say about my mom, all of it will ultimately will lead back to God, for it is Him who has made her who she is. There’s not enough trees or enough time in this life to sit here and tell you all the wonderful things God has instilled in my mom, but I can assure you that everyone that crosses her path is blessed and left wanting more of what she has. Her beauty begins from the inside and works vibrantly to the outside. A woman full of love and compassion with a child like heart. My mom is written of in the bible although her name is never mentioned. You can find her story in Proverbs 31, for my mom is a virtuous woman after God’s own heart. Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: There are many virtuous and capable women in the world but you surpass them all! Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise. (Proverbs 31:28-31)

Who I Am

Being a Schnabel leaves me feeling loved, creative, appreciated, worth-while, blessed, leads me to laugh daily most times hourly. I find myself more living life rather than sitting around and just sulking on what is life and why did this happen and why am I here and why why why.

Being a child of God, surpasses all measures of love I've ever felt, reminds me that I am highly favored, equips me with 'tools' I need in this life, feels a void in my life no one else can fill. I find myself learning little lessons everyday in things I do. God opens my eyes to see things I otherwise would be blinded to.

I am going through so many changes right now it's unreal. I actually look forward to waking up in the morning and seeing what all the day holds in store. I look forward to grabbing my bible, running to the living room to sit by the fire and read what God has promised for me. I love being able to bless others now in ways I before could not.

I am becoming a new person. I am more alive. I am filled with hope, encouragement, strength, faithfullness and desires coming from all angles in my life. Today is the day the Lord has made I will rejoice and be glad in it. I am truly blessed more than words can say and I just pray that God continues to do a work in all of our lives. When we are open to change and focus more on how God can change us rather than other people in our lives, it is then that we begin seeing the most results.

I am a Schnabel, I am a Pike but above all else, I am a child of the most high God!

Love, Hugs & Blessings!

Hidden Blessings

So yall know that we've moved to the great state of TX. I would be lying if I said everything has been fantastic just marvelous couldn't be better. It's been a lot of hard work, physically, mentally and emotionally. I will not go into the details of everything because quite honestly I don't want everyone to know our business but this is what I will share.

It has been an unforgettable time and I do NOT regret the move down. No matter how real it feels (being a Schnabel) facts and reality is I am not a 'born Schnabel', and that has probably been one of the hardest things. Learning each other and how each other work. What hurts who and when is enough enough. When to come around and when to back off when to make random comments and when to just keep your mouth shut. I admit I've said some pretty hurtful things lately to those that I love so dearly. I am really having to learn to slow down and think before I speak. Think of how it will affect those around me, whether I think it's funny or not someone else may not see it that way.

Another thing that is so new is just having a family. We sit down (almost) every night together at the tabel for dinner, we pray and we enjoy the meal together while talking about our days and 'old times'. That is like so bizzare to me but I love it! Going to church every sunday and seeing my dad on stage is so awesome and it inspires and encourages me to do what I know God would have me to do. This past Sunday was my mom's birthday and dad didn't have to play in the worship team so they were both sitting with us. During praise and worship I looked over at my mom and dad and saw them dancing and praising God. Most kids would probably hide under their seat, but me, well I just stood there and smiled and thanked God. My parents always encourage us to be positive and that the joy of the Lord is our strength, rejoice in the day the Lord has made. I've never seen someone honestly walk out what they talk and it encourages me beyond words. Grant it I try and do what my parents tell me to, but when I see them actually doing as they 'preach' that goes a long way.

I am so tired and exausted right now, I don't even know what else to say or do, I want to cry I am so tired but I'll try to elaborate more. So Sunday was my mom's birthday and my first year spending it with her. My original plan which was to pay at least half of the cost for her to build a new sewing room, failed. So I had to come up with a new plan and FAST. I did a few little small things for her such as taking her her favorite coffee and flowers to church. I also wrote her a poem and put a picture of us on it and then framed it. But my big surprise was on Saturday. I ran off to the store and bought a bunch of fun size milky ways and a little pink monkey. I took my mom on a treasure hunt through the house using the milky ways as a path for her. I left a note at every few steps on how much she blesses me (at least I hope that's what she got from it lol) Anyway it lead to outside where I then sang "God bless the broken road" with no music (EEKS)! My mom was in tears as I dropped down to one knee and asked her to be my mommy forever and ever, she accepted. My dad got it on video but no one here will ever see it :-p I really hope my mom's birthday was special and one she'll never forget. I can't wait till next year but I am not sure how I'll beat this past year lol.

My mom and dad sing at the loft on saturdays, and well this saturday I am suppose to sing with them. I am excited yet nervous all at the same time. I love hearing my mom and dad sing, they're my new favorite band. Well yall I am exausted and tomorrow holds a new day of work and home team tomorrow night. Love, hugs and blessings!

Finally Home

Have you ever had like a really really wild dream that you held onto for years? Never really thinking that it could actually possibly one day come true, and ever time you do think of it coming true you just laugh because it's just so far out there? So have I...but my 10 year old dream has finally became a reality.

On Jan 1st 2009 about 5:36 pm I hugged my parents for the first time. Parents that love and nurture me the way I've always dreamed about. I stepped foot on Texas ground and instantly knew that this is where I belong. So much has happened in the last week I just do not have enough time to tell you all of the details. Although I can tell you that God fullfilled my dreams and then some. I always knew that my homecoming would be good but I never imagined it to be THIS good if you know what I mean.

My parents are absolutely amazing! That doesn't even begin to cover it. I've never felt so much love and compassion from anyone as I do with mom and dad. I believe it was the 2nd day we were here I had some old pictures out and such and me and my mom just sat on the couch snuggled together and talked about the past a little. I've never in my life had that. Never had a mother daughter time like that and it meant the WORLD to me. Just 2 nights ago me and my dad had 'father daughter' time in the kitchen...just standing around talking. We talked about my past...the not so good stuff. Dad got pretty upset but just held me close and told me everything was going to be alright. Once again...I've never had that. Talk about an emotional week. When I look at my parents I see love, God's love, a love that leaves you speechless. Sometimes I just sit here and look at the both of them and the love they have for not just all of us but one another and they make sure that us kids know that. I can't describe the security I feel in that. My mom and dad are soon to celebrate their 23rd wedding anniversary and I pray that mike and I make it that long and still have a love as strong as my mom and dad do.

My sisters...well what more can I say. I finally found someone smaller than me hehe (I love you Krysten). Jennifer and I cut up a lot but it's all in love and nothing less. We are even begining to finish each other's sentences. Jennifer has started online college and I am proud to say that Grand Canyon University has not only the best student but the best person attending their school...my sister, I am so proud of you Jennifer! Krysten is amazing, I can't tell you how many times this girl hugs me a day...we're all pretty much a hugging family lol. I've been helping Krysten a lot lately in the kitchen so she doesn't have so much to do. She may be quiet but she tends to get a lot of stuff done around the house. She's leaving for a few days to go stay with Granny...I think I miss her already.

Mike and I are doing well. It's been a little rough, it's a lot to adjust to. Mike is still looking for a job as am I, but we know and trust that God is going to provide. Mom and Dad pray with us and encourage us to stay strong in one another and in God, especially in this time of transition. Although a lot of stress has been removed...we still have quite a bit ahead of us. Please continue to keep us in your prayers.

I think that's about all I have to say for now. I expect my mom and sisters will be back soon, I have a few more things I want to do before they come home. Thank you for your prayers and support. Love, hugs and blessings to you all.