Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Congratulations Will and Jenn


My best friend Jennifer Turnage is her name,
For 21 years it's always been the same.
10 years of friendship now our lives we rearrange,
I pray the basics of our friends never change.

Your big day will be here before you know,
God's blessings upon you both I do bestow.
New life lies awaiting the both of you
Embrace it, live it with each morning dew.

News of your wedding gave me an intial scare,
But this friendship is true to eternity we prepare.
Friends to sisters we came to be not always so easily,
The next 10 years I wait anxiously to see.

April 11th 2009 Mrs. Benner you will be,
A day filled with those you hold close to thee.
I pray it be everything you dream of and more,
May your love always be stronger than the day before.

Congratulations on your arriving wedding day
Never forget our friendship is here to stay.
I will always be there by your side,
Remember to keep God as your ultimate guide.

Daddy and Me

So you know there’s a question I wish to ask,
Not one of my easiest tasks.
Delayed long enough it’s been,
I pray I go out with a win.

Adopted dad to me you be
True dad full of love I see.
Waiting 3 years to renew my vows,
But here I go and ask you now.

June 17th 2012 my 2nd wedding day be
Bigger and better this time around we’ll see.
Daddy, now I ask will you give me away,
Would mean the world to me on my special day.

Love,
Your daughter,
Tracey


Then Dad replied so sweetly to me...

If this is what you wish of me,
Ill happily walk with thee
Down the isle for eternity,
To give you to the man with the same name as me.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Letting Go



They say if you really love someone you must let go. How must you let go of something you have never caught grasp of, this I must know. I've never embraced her with a hug, nor pestered her with a shove or tug. Yet sister is the name I call her by, let her go you say why God why???

I never expected to love like this, I must remind myself you are ultimately His. Excited and ready to take that leap of faith, Jeremiah 29:11 the Lord did saith. I must let you go to spread your wings and fly, knowing this is not goodbye.

I pray the Lord to guide your every step along the way, and for you to feel my love in all I have to say. Oh dear sister of mine, I know you're going to shine and be just fine.

They say if you really love someone you must let them go. I embraced you in my heart and in spirit, this I know. Spread your wings dear sister of mine and know that this is true, I'll always be here loving and praying for you.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Romans 8:28

Romans 8:28~ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

I am reminded of this everyday in some way. Things that happened to me in the past I couldn't see the good in it then, but now that I look back I can see it. Lately something my aunt and mom have talked to me about is tv shows/movies that I watch. I think it's crazy at times and sometimes do the whole huff and puff routine. Tonight I realized something, how much I am loved and cared for.

Earlier I saw Trading Spouses on tv and thought of what mom and aunt shoo shoo have said, I watched I love Lucy reruns instead. Tonight, my mom asked what I was watching, and I felt good to be able to say Akeelah and the Bee. I know it sounds childish, but I know they do things for my good. I become more aware to what I take in, because what I take in it will come out. So most may find it childish or dumb that my family 'checks in' on me, but I like it, it holds me accountable and I need that in my life.

So thanks to my hubby, my parents, my aunt and even my sister that show me different aspects of things. Sometimes we can not see how things work for the good until later in life; but sometimes we're blessed to see the good here and now. :-)

Thursday, November 20, 2008

My Challenge

Most people know of the stuff I have been going through lately, but they don't know of how it is completely changing my life. This will be the one and only time I say this for the simple fact, that I don't want to sound like a complainer or hear someone preach about faith or God can heal you. My faith is strong, not as strong as I would like it at times but none the less. I know what God has done and can continue to do. Please note this blog is not looking for encouragement or pity. I just need to get this out.

Not too long ago I decided that the headaches everyday and the ongoing pain was just enough. I went to a chiropractor and had tests and x-rays done. Long story short, I have spinal degeneration/subluxations and scoliosis. I go to the chiropractor every week to be adjusted in hopes that they can fix the problem or at least slow the process down. Headaches are fewer and my pain has decreased a lot. That in itself, the medical bills, adjusting to the adjustments, it's a lot to take in on one person.

That's not all that has had to be adjusted. I've always been an independant kind of woman. Now that is being taken from me. I can not do the things I used to do. I have to watch every little thing I do the way I move and turn. Yes, before I was in pain but not knowing why so I just figured it was a causal headache. Now that I know what it is I know I must be cautious or I could do more damage to what is already there. Being a newly wed wife, it also causes strain. I want to be a wife for my husband and not just a houseguest. I want to be able to clean the house and cook him dinner and all the 'wifey stuff', and sometimes I just can't do it. I can't clean certain areas of the house mostly the bathroom such as the shower. Vaccuming I can do but have to ask for help taking it up and downstairs. I can not vaccum my stairs any more.

What would take some people maybe 2 minutes to do will take me 10 minutes to do. The harder I push myself I know the more I will suffer from it later. It is tough, but I pray everyday for God to give me the strength. It's not just at home it's at work too, as far as prepping foods and such I always have to ask for help. It is really a burden on me to bother someone for 2 minutes to do such a simple task as moving a box for me. There are times I cry myself to sleep at night from frustration and confusion as to why I am having to go through this.

My sister and parents tell me all the time, Romans 8:28 (look it up). I know they are right and I love them for reminding me of it. Right now I honestly do not see how this will work out for good, but I know in time I will. I know there will come a time, maybe 5 years from now, that I look back and say Thanks God now I see why I went through all of that. I am not here to ask for sympathy, pity, feel sorry for myself or even to ask for prayer. I just needed to get this out, in hopes that people will be more understanding. I don't need you to preach to me about having faith in God no matter what. I know that, and I have faith He is going to heal me. Maybe now you understand a little more on how one problem can affect and alter your whole life.

Thanks to my husband Mike and my family that are always there to support and encourage me. I love yall.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Influences

Well I thought I'd talk about influences in random language of course. Everyone always says that there's life of death in the tongue...Agreed. Everyone always says that actions speak louder than words...Agreed. So wouldn't that mean there's life and death in our actions more so than in our words? To say one thing and do another is obviously contradicting.

When our friends are going through hard times (those that claim to be Christ followers), would nomally say Trust God, Lean on Him. I have heard that so many times in my life and I am a visual learner, so I watched these people. Most of them yeh, they truly believed it and their actions made their words true. Some not so much so.

Now I have 2 younger sisters and 2 cousins younger than me (more than that, but those I have contact with). Everyday I watch myself more and more in my actions, whether they are physically with me or not. I have made plenty of mistakes in my life, and I pray my sisters and cousins never have to go through what I did. Now that I am of legal age, I feel at times temptation is a bit harder. When talking to mom or aunt shoo shoo whoever, I always say if my sisters every did this or that I would be really hurt/disappointed/angry. Please note my sisters are very smart and I learn more from them than they do from me I am sure. Now that I have them and especially Derek, when on the phone I watch my words more carefully, although it's speaking, it's still an action. Get my point?

From the jobs I choose to work at, places I choose to hang out at, I've come to the point in life where I've hit a maturity and realized life isn't all about me. There comes a time we have to drop our selfish thinking and ways and think...how is this going to affect my family/friends. Yes, we all have free will, but we all have those we look up to as well. Man will always let us down we're not perfect, but because we're not perfect I feel we look for 'examples' to be set in places that probably shouldn't. I honestly do not feel that it's wrong to look up to someone, as long as we remember that they are only human and they are going to mess up from time to time.

I want my sisters and or cousins...whoever...to feel they can come and talk to me, rather than feel they can not because of the road I choose to travel down. Bad 'habits'/lifestyles, are hard to change and we can't do it alone we need God to help us live a better lifestyle. But we must first come to a point where we realize that the world does not revolve us. What kind of lifestyle are you living? Does it bring life, or does it bring death? How long will you choose to wander around in the desert before you say enough is enough it's time to get serious?

...I am just sayin'...

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Decemberadio

I wish I could say this trip was PERFECT...but not quite...once again I'll get all the bad out then tell the only part that truly matters. 2 hour drive in the worse Minneapolis MN traffic ever, 2 detours, 1 wreck (not us), 3 traffic jams, our names were not on the guest list, didn't get to personally meet and greet the band AND going back out to our truck in the parking ramp someone had opened the back of our truck. Good news we don't think anything was stolen.

Ok now on to the good stuff. IF FLIPPIN ROCKED OUR FACES OFF!!! So like we get there and this was our first time ever at club 3 degress, I wish we lived closer because it's just an AWESOME place. We were worried that we wouldn't be able to see good because it was general admission. Dude we were like 20 feet from the stage I am not even exaggerating. The place was so cool we all sat at tables...well were intended to anyway lol. Seven glory opened it up and it was really awesome a lot better than I expected them to be, I didn't realize who they were till they sung their last song that I already forgot lol. Ruth came out and they did an awesome job too Mike liked them both but liked Ruth more. Sevenglory's drummer won me over though OMG that dude was maaaaaad, looked like a monkey on the drums.

Josh Reedy comes out on the stage just for a moment and speaks of compassion international and dude when he got on stage the place went crazy! Oh and dude REWIND! When the DR boys came in the club they walked right behind me to get to the back room when I saw them I think my heart stopped! :-o Ok so after speaking of compassion this tennessee redneck comes out named Billy Wayne and this dude was a trip! He was so flippin funny! He spoke about being who we are in Christ and not being afraid to stand up and face our giants. He briefly told his testimony and there were a lot in tears it was just amazing. At one point he said, there's some girls who feel they're never good enough for their mom they just never add up, never get the love they've always craved. Then said...There's some 40 year olds that feel the same to their fathers and just want to hear I am proud of ya and I love ya. That's when I lost it I really felt like God was speaking to me and Mike and I praise God Mike picked up on it too. The message was so powerful and I truly pray for Billy and his ministry.

Then this band Decemberadio comes out and I don't know why everyone was so excited they weren't THAT great. *rolleyes* Sarcasm is really not my best feature LOL. OMG they were so flippin awesome!!! You like their cd's??? That is NOTHING compared to live the place went craaaazy! They opened up with Believer and I sworny I am not sure who you could hear more the crowd or Josh...throughout the whole thing! They also played, Least of these, Gasoline, Find you waiting, Drifter, Everlasting Love (yeh that one through me lol), a little amazing grace, Love found me, Satisfied and I may be forgetting one or two. It was just absolutely AMAZING!!! I can NOT wait to go back. Mike really enjoyed it and didn't even wanna leave. Boone had one heck of a funny drum solo, that dude just trips me out. I was watching Lovelace close and making sure that hair of his didn't go flying off...I tell ya that dude has the most awesomeness hair ever! Yes awesomeness is a word Josh Reedy said so! :-p So yeh, it was just well...awesomeness lol. I don't know if there's even enough words to describe it, you just gotta see it for yourself. Pictures are on facebook, not that great you will see how crappy my camera is. If you don't like it feel free to donate to my camera fund! Rock on and peace out guys!

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Sweet Blessings

WARNING: This blog may contain too much love for the average person to handle. Reading this could result in an abundant feeling of love, self worth and appreciation.

I watched a movie today from Tyler Perry Collection titled: Madea Goes to Jail. Yes it's a comedy and there's a lot of good laughs in it, but I promise you there's a lot to learn from this collection of movies as well.

(When family is mentioned I would hope most of you would know by now it's in reference to my 'miracle family') It gave me a greater appreciation and love for my family. It reminded me of some things I have forgotten. Some say that God is all we need, we you get really technical about it and break it all down, yes I agree with that. I also believe though that we NEED our family and friends, hence why God places certain people in our lives. I believe most of us have a desire to be loved and appreciated by our families. Unfortunately, sometimes we're not always born into families that love and appreciate us the way we should. Now get this...I love and appreciate my BIOLOGICAL family more so today than yesterday. Yes, they have hurt me A LOT more than words can say, BUT without them I wouldn't be the person I am today and I wouldn't have been blessed with all that I have today. So here starts my list.

I am thankful for my biological family. I am thankful for all the hurt, abuse and neglect I went through the last 21 years. I am thankful for the opportunity to go through the experience I did in TN moving from home to home because I was seen as a 'problem child'. It was in those moments that I grew stronger, I gained a love that I was not expecting to gain. I lost a selfishness that I had, instead of gaining the love of a 'family' that I longed for so long...I GAVE a love that comes from deep within. I risked my life for others and without being there I would have never known or received the true gift of love. Being loved is an amazing thing it truly is...but I see now that maybe just maybe...we must be willing to love in order to have that love in return.

I am thankful for my husband that loves me in ways I never dreamed was possible from a man. A love that is true and pure. His support and encouragement that gets me through some of the toughest days. It's not always glorious rays of sunshine but I am thankful for the opportunity to love and grow together with him with each passing day.

I am thankful for my family that have opened my eyes to new horizons and possibilities. I am thankful for their wisdom that they share with me, no matter how bad it may hurt in the moment. I thank God for this new experience that we're about to take part in, that I may be edify and grow in the way He has designed for me. I am thankful for my my one TRUE friend of 10 years Jennifer Turnage that has never left my side regardless of the crap I went through. It's not always been a pretty scenery but she was willing to help me through it. I am thankful for the new friends I have met. Those that I argue our differences with and those that it just seems to always be so peaceful and bliss.

People come into our lives for a reason. Some are meant for a lifetime and some are meant just for a season. EVERYTHING happens for a reason and sometimes it takes a couple of years to find out exactly what that reason is. I am so thankful and blessed for my past and I thank God for all that I have today. James 1:2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds.

Here's a clip from the movie that I watched...it's sort of long but at least watch the first part before they start singing that is the most important part. Madea categorizes people in our lives as a tree. Whether they be a leaf, a branch or a root, thank God for all of it!

Monday, November 3, 2008

Sisterly Love


So this morning I set out on a run with really one mission in mind...Get my sister a birthday card. I believe there and back may be a mile...maybe a little more. So I set out on my journey, ran to the market place and went in search for the perfect birthday card. I don't think I did half bad picking one out. So I go through check out and some 'old friends' I used to work with began the questioning.

Jamie: So why are you here?
Me: Needed to get my sister a birthday card.
Jamie: Where's Mike?
Me: At work
Jamie: So you ran all the way here for a card for your sister...why???
Me: Cause I love her and she's totally worth it. etc...
Jamie: Wow can I have her?
Me: Heeeeeeeeeeck NO!

Same thing happened at Subway. I was happy to be able to 'brag' on my sisters a little. Although technically I just met them a couple months ago...I love both of them dearly and am proud of both of them. So I suppose I dedicate this blog to both of my wonderful sisters. I love yall.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

No Longer Christian

Those that read this blog is probably one of the 5 that have sent me personal messages asking what the heck is going on. First of all I want to thank you for not ripping my head off and condemning me to hell because I made the statement. Now on to why I said that. PLEASE NOTE: I KNOW NO ONE IS PERFECT!!!

Last night I had a great night at work I was ready to go home and have a good talk with my mom and the rest of the family. Well I thought I'd unwind a little bit before calling her so I decided to check my emails and such. I will not go into everything that was said who said what or whatever. This blog is not directed at anyone but if you feel that it is, maybe you should take it to heart.

I am tired of people claiming to be CHRISTIAN and yet the only thing they have to say is to put someone down. I am tired of people claiming to be CHRISTIAN and yet they feel they are of some higher power and have no room to learn anything new for themselves. I am tired of people claiming to be CHRISTIAN and yet show no compassion towards others. I am tired of being CHRISTIAN! I no longer want to be associated with the group. So from this point on I will no longer claim to be a CHRISTIAN, instead I will be a Christ follower.

Yes, a christian is suppose to be a Christ follower. People today have given their own meaning to what a christian is or what it's suppose to be. Using the term christian would be fine if people actually acted as Christ. No we're not perfect...but I've been told some really hurtful things over the years by those that claim to be CHRISTIAN. We all serve the same God so why must our views be so different???? I don't care about denominations...God is God and He left us a book of instructions on how we're to live our life. Yes, people will interpret it differently according to their lives but I am talking about the basics here people. LOVE!!! Love your God...Love your neighbor...Love your enemies...on and on it's all about LOVE!!! It's not always easy but when we do it, He'll bless our 'stinking socks off' (as Bart Millard would say it).

There's life and death in the tongue. For the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart and this makes a man unclean. Our tongue is (in my opinion) our most powerful tool. How do you choose to use your tongue?? I thank God for those that I have in my life that are there to lift me up when I am down and show me different perspectives on things, because I don't know it all by far. I thank God for those that show me love unconditionally. I thank God I have people like my mom and dad and even my aunt shoo shoo that will always take me back to the basics and remind me of God's truth.

For those that have done nothing but say hurtful things and tear me down, I am sorry but I can't take it any more and those people will be deleted. More than likely they're not even reading this but in case you are...this is good bye. This is a time in my life where I need to be edified and honestly how I feel if you're not edifying then why should I be around you anyway? I've tried to show love, mercy and kindness and if nothing changes...why should I stay and continue to be hurt? I love you all...friends or not...I honestly do and I'll continue to pray for you. Thanks for showing me the difference of being a Christ follower and being a Christian.