Guess what this blog is about...that's right family! Sorry but family is really important to me and I know I talk a lot about it. So if I make you sick by talking about my family and such so much please feel free to click that little red box with the white x in it at the top right hand of your screen. =)

So last night I talked to my sister Jennifer for a while. Something we really don't do that often without it being through mom or something lol. I really enjoyed our talk...for the most part. We talked about a few things in my life...mostly about leadership. I couldn't believe my sister said a couple things she did, but I know she is right. It's not the first time I've heard it so it's just confirmation to me. 10 years now maybe I should stop running huh? I also talked to her about some stuff in her life. Which I felt at first sort of odd...but it felt good. I actually felt like a big sister. Not trying to ruin my little sisters life, rather just guide her and inform her of different options.




Later my mom called and we talked for a while. She told me some things I really needed to hear about this family thing. Things like how her and dad are proud of me and proud to have me in the family and they tell everyone. I am sure we won't be strangers in TX by time we get there lol. Dad was in the background and told me some stuff that was all sweet and made me feel WOW maybe they really do know how I feel I swear parents have a way of reading your mind. The one thing that really stuck out is when dad called me "daddy's little girl".




Daddy's little Girl is code word between me and God. He told me a few years ago that He would send me a family in His timing, but at the time He wanted me for himself to guide me and prepare me for this moment now. I was God's daddy little girl for a long time and will continue to be so; but now he's giving me an earthly dad to be a 'little girl' to. Over the years so many have tried taken me in and such things, and I am thankful for that I've learned a lot over the years. But NEVER has anyone yet to say Daddy's Little Girl until this moment.


Last night I cried while going to sleep. Instead of tears of sadness and broken hearted, it was tears of joy. Laying beside me was a man that loves me more than I could ever dream of that is always there for me to help me and encourage me. Also, a 1,185 miles away I had a family that loves me and cares for me and are sent from God himself. So although things get tough and the sun isn't always shining in my world, God is always smiling down on me and I always have a constant reminder of how truly blessed I am.

Congratulations Will and Jenn

My best friend Jennifer Turnage is her name,
For 21 years it's always been the same.
10 years of friendship now our lives we rearrange,
I pray the basics of our friends never change.

Your big day will be here before you know,
God's blessings upon you both I do bestow.
New life lies awaiting the both of you
Embrace it, live it with each morning dew.

News of your wedding gave me an intial scare,
But this friendship is true to eternity we prepare.
Friends to sisters we came to be not always so easily,
The next 10 years I wait anxiously to see.

April 11th 2009 Mrs. Benner you will be,
A day filled with those you hold close to thee.
I pray it be everything you dream of and more,
May your love always be stronger than the day before.

Congratulations on your arriving wedding day
Never forget our friendship is here to stay.
I will always be there by your side,
Remember to keep God as your ultimate guide.

Daddy and Me

So you know there’s a question I wish to ask,
Not one of my easiest tasks.
Delayed long enough it’s been,
I pray I go out with a win.

Adopted dad to me you be
True dad full of love I see.
Waiting 3 years to renew my vows,
But here I go and ask you now.

June 17th 2012 my 2nd wedding day be
Bigger and better this time around we’ll see.
Daddy, now I ask will you give me away,
Would mean the world to me on my special day.

Love,
Your daughter,
Tracey


Then Dad replied so sweetly to me...

If this is what you wish of me,
Ill happily walk with thee
Down the isle for eternity,
To give you to the man with the same name as me.

Letting Go

They say if you really love someone you must let go. How must you let go of something you have never caught grasp of, this I must know. I've never embraced her with a hug, nor pestered her with a shove or tug. Yet sister is the name I call her by, let her go you say why God why???

I never expected to love like this, I must remind myself you are ultimately His. Excited and ready to take that leap of faith, Jeremiah 29:11 the Lord did saith. I must let you go to spread your wings and fly, knowing this is not goodbye.

I pray the Lord to guide your every step along the way, and for you to feel my love in all I have to say. Oh dear sister of mine, I know you're going to shine and be just fine.

They say if you really love someone you must let them go. I embraced you in my heart and in spirit, this I know. Spread your wings dear sister of mine and know that this is true, I'll always be here loving and praying for you.

Romans 8:28

Romans 8:28~ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

I am reminded of this everyday in some way. Things that happened to me in the past I couldn't see the good in it then, but now that I look back I can see it. Lately something my aunt and mom have talked to me about is tv shows/movies that I watch. I think it's crazy at times and sometimes do the whole huff and puff routine. Tonight I realized something, how much I am loved and cared for.

Earlier I saw Trading Spouses on tv and thought of what mom and aunt shoo shoo have said, I watched I love Lucy reruns instead. Tonight, my mom asked what I was watching, and I felt good to be able to say Akeelah and the Bee. I know it sounds childish, but I know they do things for my good. I become more aware to what I take in, because what I take in it will come out. So most may find it childish or dumb that my family 'checks in' on me, but I like it, it holds me accountable and I need that in my life.

So thanks to my hubby, my parents, my aunt and even my sister that show me different aspects of things. Sometimes we can not see how things work for the good until later in life; but sometimes we're blessed to see the good here and now. :-)

My Challenge

Most people know of the stuff I have been going through lately, but they don't know of how it is completely changing my life. This will be the one and only time I say this for the simple fact, that I don't want to sound like a complainer or hear someone preach about faith or God can heal you. My faith is strong, not as strong as I would like it at times but none the less. I know what God has done and can continue to do. Please note this blog is not looking for encouragement or pity. I just need to get this out.

Not too long ago I decided that the headaches everyday and the ongoing pain was just enough. I went to a chiropractor and had tests and x-rays done. Long story short, I have spinal degeneration/subluxations and scoliosis. I go to the chiropractor every week to be adjusted in hopes that they can fix the problem or at least slow the process down. Headaches are fewer and my pain has decreased a lot. That in itself, the medical bills, adjusting to the adjustments, it's a lot to take in on one person.

That's not all that has had to be adjusted. I've always been an independant kind of woman. Now that is being taken from me. I can not do the things I used to do. I have to watch every little thing I do the way I move and turn. Yes, before I was in pain but not knowing why so I just figured it was a causal headache. Now that I know what it is I know I must be cautious or I could do more damage to what is already there. Being a newly wed wife, it also causes strain. I want to be a wife for my husband and not just a houseguest. I want to be able to clean the house and cook him dinner and all the 'wifey stuff', and sometimes I just can't do it. I can't clean certain areas of the house mostly the bathroom such as the shower. Vaccuming I can do but have to ask for help taking it up and downstairs. I can not vaccum my stairs any more.

What would take some people maybe 2 minutes to do will take me 10 minutes to do. The harder I push myself I know the more I will suffer from it later. It is tough, but I pray everyday for God to give me the strength. It's not just at home it's at work too, as far as prepping foods and such I always have to ask for help. It is really a burden on me to bother someone for 2 minutes to do such a simple task as moving a box for me. There are times I cry myself to sleep at night from frustration and confusion as to why I am having to go through this.

My sister and parents tell me all the time, Romans 8:28 (look it up). I know they are right and I love them for reminding me of it. Right now I honestly do not see how this will work out for good, but I know in time I will. I know there will come a time, maybe 5 years from now, that I look back and say Thanks God now I see why I went through all of that. I am not here to ask for sympathy, pity, feel sorry for myself or even to ask for prayer. I just needed to get this out, in hopes that people will be more understanding. I don't need you to preach to me about having faith in God no matter what. I know that, and I have faith He is going to heal me. Maybe now you understand a little more on how one problem can affect and alter your whole life.

Thanks to my husband Mike and my family that are always there to support and encourage me. I love yall.

Influences

Well I thought I'd talk about influences in random language of course. Everyone always says that there's life of death in the tongue...Agreed. Everyone always says that actions speak louder than words...Agreed. So wouldn't that mean there's life and death in our actions more so than in our words? To say one thing and do another is obviously contradicting.

When our friends are going through hard times (those that claim to be Christ followers), would nomally say Trust God, Lean on Him. I have heard that so many times in my life and I am a visual learner, so I watched these people. Most of them yeh, they truly believed it and their actions made their words true. Some not so much so.

Now I have 2 younger sisters and 2 cousins younger than me (more than that, but those I have contact with). Everyday I watch myself more and more in my actions, whether they are physically with me or not. I have made plenty of mistakes in my life, and I pray my sisters and cousins never have to go through what I did. Now that I am of legal age, I feel at times temptation is a bit harder. When talking to mom or aunt shoo shoo whoever, I always say if my sisters every did this or that I would be really hurt/disappointed/angry. Please note my sisters are very smart and I learn more from them than they do from me I am sure. Now that I have them and especially Derek, when on the phone I watch my words more carefully, although it's speaking, it's still an action. Get my point?

From the jobs I choose to work at, places I choose to hang out at, I've come to the point in life where I've hit a maturity and realized life isn't all about me. There comes a time we have to drop our selfish thinking and ways and think...how is this going to affect my family/friends. Yes, we all have free will, but we all have those we look up to as well. Man will always let us down we're not perfect, but because we're not perfect I feel we look for 'examples' to be set in places that probably shouldn't. I honestly do not feel that it's wrong to look up to someone, as long as we remember that they are only human and they are going to mess up from time to time.

I want my sisters and or cousins...whoever...to feel they can come and talk to me, rather than feel they can not because of the road I choose to travel down. Bad 'habits'/lifestyles, are hard to change and we can't do it alone we need God to help us live a better lifestyle. But we must first come to a point where we realize that the world does not revolve us. What kind of lifestyle are you living? Does it bring life, or does it bring death? How long will you choose to wander around in the desert before you say enough is enough it's time to get serious?

...I am just sayin'...